Everybody #Resisting Donald Trump Is Such A Lady!
WHERE THE MEN?
OH HEY LADIES! Are you a lady right now? You probably are, because Wonkette is the international home for the resistance against Donald Trump, and it turns out, according to a new poll, that a whole 86 PERCENT of the phone calls made to Congress that consist of messages like "Fuck that orange guy in the White House, right in his ear" are made by ladies. MEN, WHERE ARE YOU AT? We are a man, and we are writing this at you right now, so we are obviously not yelling at ourselves here, but all the rest of you gentlemen, WHERE YOU AT?
Here, look at a tweet that literally says what we just typed at you:
As the nice website called Romper explains, this is a poll of members of Daily Action, a group that gets action text alerts every day that say "DO THIS THING TO RESIST." And it turns out that not only are they overwhelmingly lady women, but the largest age group represented is between 46 to 65. So on top of asking WHERE ARE YOU DUMB MEN, we must also say HEY MILLENNIALS, STOP SNAPCHATTING AND DO A THING and HEY OLDS, THERE ARE FREE WERTHER'S BUTTERSCOTCHES AT THE RESISTANCE MARCH, SO BRING YOUR ASS.
So, this has been going on since the beginning of the Trump regime, obviously. To date, the women's march that happened the day after the inauguration is still the yoogest and most tremendous public action opposing Trump we've seen. And while we understand that keeping up our energy to #RESIST is absolutely exhausting, simply because of the exploding bullshit Trump throws at us each and every day, we really need to step up the resisting, right here this very minute.
Because, you see, Donald Trump is effing scared right now. Did you see all the dumb stuff he tweeted this morning and also over the weekend, doing everything he can to try to distract us from the very real investigation into his inner circle's ties with Russia? Did you see how he's even off his game with insulting people, trying to do a sick burn to NBC's Chuck Todd by saying he has "sleepy eyes"? Trump is weaker and sadder and a bigger loser right this minute than he's ever been, and you know what you do to people like Trump when they're down? You kick them (FIGURATIVELY OF COURSE) and point and laugh and make them cry some more (LITERALLY).
It's in the Bible, just look it up, you fucking heathens.
Anyway, if you are a lady and you've already been resisting real good, we would say you are allowed to take a nap right now if you want, because you deserve it, but dangit, this is not over until Trump is out of office. If you are a man, on the other hand, it's time for you to SHOW THE FUCK UP. If you are a Bernie bro who is still re-litigating the election, Jesus Christ, would you please get a life and contribute to society in some way?
Start by calling your congress-person and telling them that (LITERALLY PICK ANY DONALD TRUMP THING) is a bad idea and you are against it. Or encourage them to do really thorough investigations into Trump's Russian ties. Once you are done with that, find out what people in your area are doing to resist, take note of the fact that they are all apparently women, and say, "I am a man who is manly, HOW CAN I HELP YOU TODAY IN A MANLY WAY? CAN I MAKE YOU A MANLY SAMMICH?"
That's right, men. It's time for you to make all the Trump-resisting ladies a damn sammich. Here are some good recipe tips to get you started.
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