Everyone Is Laughing At That Poor Dumb Idiot, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence

The Indianapolis Star's Tuesday edition is a bit stunning, in that the entire front page is devoted to an editorial demanding that Indiana lawmakers "FIX THIS NOW." They are of course referring to the Fuck The Gays law, signed by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, which has single-handedly sent the state to number one on pretty much everyone's list of "states where I do not wish to find myself stranded."

In a news conference Tuesday, Pence essentially read his Wall Street Journal op-ed, and restated how proud he still is of signing the bill he doesn't understand. He did clarify, repeatedly, that Indiana's new Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) does NOT give any Indiana business the right to discriminate or deny services, which is going to make the religious right mad! He also said he doesn't "believe for a minute that it was the intention of the general assembly to create a license to discriminate," because Pence is apparently not that smart, or maybe he just lies a lot.

He is asking the legislature to bring him, ON HIS DESK BY THE END OF THE WEEK, a clarification that the bill will not be used to discriminate against anyone. Because the bill isn't the problem; it's the "misperception" about the bill that needs fixing.

“I remain very hopeful," he said, "that if we focus on the principal misperception, that we will garner support, we will restore confidence, and we will be able to move forward."

He also said that "the things that have been said about our state have been at times deeply offensive to me." Way to make it about you, Gov. Pence! Damn all you mean people, saying bad things about Indiana, it is rude to hurt Mike Pence's feelings like that!

However, Pence is sticking to his story about how this law is JUST LIKE the federal RFRA, signed by libtard Bill Clinton, and other similar state laws. This is simply not true. Although Mike Pence will accuse us of "sloppy reporting" -- as he repeatedly accused the media of doing in his news conference -- we must point out that it is not, in fact, like the 1993 RFRA, largely because this new Indiana law allows companies to have religious beliefs and use them to gay-bash. The only state RFRA that allows this is South Carolina. Wonkette can report that Pence name-dropped Clinton so many times during the conference that, had you been playing a drinking game at the time, you would be fully wasted right now, like that's any different from your normal Tuesday.

Taking questions from reporters, Pence said, "I don’t support discrimination against gays or lesbians or anyone else. I abhor discrimination.” He added that “no one should be harassed or mistreated because of who they are, who they love, or what they believe.” Oh, that is almost nice-sounding! Pence also recalled how he used to be a filthy Democrat, when he was in high school, and that he also was inspired by Martin Luther King, Jr. and John Lewis, which is evidence that he does not, and never has, supported discrimination. Mike Pence knows at least several black people, and also a few gays probably!

Pence's conference comes on the heels of an ever-growing backlash. Indianapolis Mayor Greg Ballard, a Republican, is openly sticking his thumb in Pence's eye, demanding repeal and throwing out executive orders making it quite clear that Indianapolis businesses are not allowed to discriminate against the gays. It's a good thing the fundamentalist owners of Indianapolis's "111 Cakery," the ones who wished to witness to the homosexuals through their shared love of decorative baking, were already "forced" to close by the gays, all of whom they are still friends with! Mayor Ballard, meanwhile, seems to be one of those weird Republican mayors who likes it when the rest of the world doesn't despise his city:

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Flanked by business leaders, Ballard denounced the law not only as a threat to the city's economic interests, but as a serious concern for residents and visitors who fear that they could be subjected to discrimination for religious reasons.

"Our city thrives because we have welcomed and embraced diversity. And RFRA threatens what thousands of people have spent decades building," Ballard said.

"Discrimination is wrong. And I hope that message is being heard loud and clear at our Statehouse."

Huh, it's like he doesn't even know that the gays of Indiana get together every day to feed a Christian to a lion while they eat wedding cake.

Speaking of business leaders, there are quite few Indiana companies adding their names to the "I'm pissed off too" list. At first it was just a few cruel homo-loving companies what obviously hate The Lord, but Talking Points Memo reports "the chief executive officers of Angie's List, Anthem, Cummins, Dow AgroSciences, Eli Lilly and Co., Emmis Communications, IU Health, Roche Diagnostics and Salesforce Marketing" have written a letter to Pence and Republican legislators, asking that they please FIX IT:

"By immediately enacting new legislation that makes it clear that neither the Religious Freedom Restoration Act nor any other Indiana law can be used to justify discrimination based upon sexual orientation or gender identity, our state's elected leaders can provide the reassurance to the people of our state, our nation and the world that is needed at this critical moment," they wrote.

Funny thing, though! If these laws aren't specifically intended to be used to discriminate against the LGBTs, then there is literally no purpose for them to exist! There is no King Solomon-style compromise to be had here, some sort of legislative fix that would make sure absolutely no one is happy. It's kind of an either/or thing -- either you're for the terrorists gays, or you're not.

The legislative fix being considered by Republican leaders -- "surgery," they are calling it -- will be sure to piss the American Family Association off quite nicely. Indiana Senate President Pro Tem David Long stated in a press conference Monday (sticking his own fingers in Pence's eye, but not for his bigotry, but for his inability to defend his bigotry with English words) that "to the extent that we need to clarify through legislative action that this law does not and will not be allowed to discriminate against anyone, we will do just that." Indiana House Speaker Brian Bosma said that "to the extent that might be the effect of the bill, we are prepared to encourage our legislative colleagues to take immediate action."

Wonkette is fairly certain both legislators will quickly file a bill to retroactively declare March 30, 2015, to be Opposite Day, since that is clearly not what they want to do.

The AP reports that, for Bosma and Long, repealing the idiot law is simply not on the table:

After a two-hour private meeting of House Republicans, Bosma said Monday that repealing the law isn't "a realistic goal at this point."

"I'm looking for a surgical solution, and I think the least intrusive surgery is to clarify that (the law) cannot be used to support the denial of goods, facilities or services to any member of the public," he said.

Yes, they will do surgery on the idiot law, in an attempt to clarify just how much God hates fags. Maybe Ben Carson can do it, as he is the world's finest wingnut surgeon! That'll please the haters, who are out in full force. The rest of the GOP clown car has signaled its slobbering support for the law, because of course, gotta pander to that moron Republican base! The GOP's first failure of the 2016 election, Ted Cruz, is impressively already fundraising off the law. Grift, grift, grift.

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Any other fallout to report? Of course! According to the AP, the AFSCME union is canceling an upcoming Indiana conference, but whatever, unions are gross, those aren't real Americans. Washington Gov. Jay Inslee has followed Seattle's lead and banned all state-funded travel to the Land Of The Gross. Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe and Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel are both sending love notes to Indiana companies that say "INDIANA SUX, come here instead, we will take your moneys!" The NCAA is also making great efforts to make sure that EVERYONE is welcome for the Final Four, to be held this weekend in Indianapolis.

But most importantly, Wilco, which is (SCIENCE FACT) one of the very greatest bands on planet Earth, has decided to cancel their upcoming Indianapolis show, stating that they'll be glad to play Indiana as soon as they repeal this terrible, fucked up law. Great job, Indiana lawmakers, you made Wilco mad, which is always against the rules.

That Wilco tune might be called "Can't Stand It," but clearly the message that Wilco and the world are sending to Indiana and Gov. Mike Pence right now is "can't stand YOU."

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[AP/Indianapolis Star/Talking Points Memo]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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