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Evil Bank of America Crippled By People Closing Their Accounts

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For six days straight, Bank of America's websites have been hammered. Across this struggling nation, people couldn't get online to pay their bills or attempt to balance their shrinking balances. BofA offered no explanation for this, for six long days as its customers tried to access their financial accounts immediately after BofA announced an evil new monthly fee for people to use their own debit card for shopping. So the theory naturally developed that millions of people were rushing to the bank's websites toclose checking accounts -- a good response to the giant, corrupt finance corporation's announcement that working people and middle class people would now get another $5 punch in the mouth every month, just for using their debit cards to buy groceries.


Today, BofA announced that it had figured out the six-day wipeout of its Internet infrastructure: Lots of people were logging onto the website, to close their accounts:

After six days of website woes, Bank of America finally offered an explanation as to why its website has been sporadically unavailable to customers for nearly a week.

The problems stemmed from a combination of technical difficulties and heavier than normal traffic to the bank's website, according to spokesperson Tara Burke.

Looks like the executives made really wise use of the $45 billion ($50 billion, actually) in federal bailout money (plus $118 billion in federal guarantees against future BofA losses) they took from us in 2008 and 2009. [CNN/Independent Voter Network]

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What's up fuckers? Were you waiting for me to come back from Mexico and write words at ya? Well, you know I don't write words at ya anymore, because of how I hate you, each, individually, but more importantly Trump has knocked all the words right out of my silly little lady brain.

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And then SHIT GOT WEIRD.

NBC reports that the Trump administration is so desperate to resume normal relations with Jared Kushner's BFF MBS that they're trying to trade 77-year-old cleric Fetullah Gülen -- a lawful resident of Pennsylvania for 20 years -- to the Turkish government in exchange for them dropping the inquiry into the Khashoggi murder.

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