Excellent Socialist Pope Is Excellent, Socialist And Also Too Maybe Marxist


In the strictest search result for "socialism" sense of the word, Pope Francis is not a socialist because he has not (to our knowledge) ever argued for "[a] society in which major industries are owned and controlled by the government". But the definition of "socialism" is changing. Socialism is now understood by a lot of people to mean "the government helping people, and sometimes taxes," because that is how literally every conservative politician and commentator uses the word. So by that definition, Pope Francis's message to a UN meeting in Rome was so, so socialist:

"In the case of global political and economic organization, much more needs to be achieved, since an important part of humanity does not share in the benefits of progress and is in fact relegated to the status of second-class citizens," Francis said.

That does sound borderline actual socialist, but it's really just saying our organizing principles suck and God thinks so too. One remedy Francis proposes is "legitimate redistribution by the State," which is not socialism either, but populism. The normal old fashioned William Jennings Bryan kind, not the new entertainment-focused revisionist Christian history kind that's ruining America.

Speaker For The Dupes Jim Hoft skips right over "socialist" to good old Karl Heinrich Marx. Good God, the Pope is a closet philosopher!

But let's call Pope Francis a socialist and a Marxist anyway, because we are on board with the redefinition of these terms that's stupidly being driven by conservatives. It's like they wanted to shift the Overton window, but instead they threw it into reverse doing sixty on the freeway and the tranny went HHHEEENKKKH and the car still goes for now but you have a feeling it's gonna be expensive down the line. "Pope Francis is a Marxist? He sounds pretty reasonable to me. Maybe I'm a Marxist too."

Maybe that's optimistic, but why not be optimistic? The sun still shines. There's some food around here, somewhere. Elizabeth Warren.

And the Pope! No, he hasn't condoned gay marriages or female priests and probably won't. But he really does seem to feel for people in a way his predecessor could only feel for shirtless acrobats:

Hmm watched everything on Netflix let's see, shall we summon some shirtless acrobats to tumble and cavort as we watch from our throne? When is Netflix gonna get more Antiques Roadshow anyway? This is bullshit.

[Chicago Tribune / Gateway Pundit]

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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