Fake President Trump Wishes He Was As Real As POTUS From ‘Independence Day'
Saturday, while Americans across the country gathered to watch the last legitimate president give a fire-spitting commencement address, Donald Trump tweeted a clip from the 1996 movie Independence Day when the equally fake president, as played by Bill Pullman, delivers a stirring victory speech at the film's climax. Someone with the Twitter handle "Mad 'Obamagate' Liberals" heavily edited the clip so Trump's rotting pumpkin head replaces Pullman's face. This no doubt delighted Trump because all he ever wanted was to play-act as president in a multi-million dollar production where things go “boom."
“Mad 'Obamagate' Liberals" doesn't end his intellectual property vandalism with Trump. Brad Parscale is there, watching the fake president from the crowd, as are Sean Hannity, Ted Cruz, Tucker Carlson, Mike Pence, and Donald Trump Jr. Yeah, this is some sad shit.
President Thomas J. Whitmore's words are goofy and mildly jingoistic but sentimental enough that it's impossible to imagine them coming from Trump's diseased mouth.
WHITMORE: "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests ... and you will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution ... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!
Trump is only president because he exploited Americans' “petty differences." The only "common interest" he shares with anyone is his own self-interest. If aliens ever invaded Earth, Trump would try and cut a deal with them, maybe offer up blue state residents for vivisection on their mothership in exchange for death rays. You know Trump would love his own death ray. It would spice up his press conferences.
Independance Day: Do your stuff. www.youtube.com
Independence Day is a strange choice for an alternate Trumpian reality. The advanced, all-powerful alien civilization is felled by a computer virus. That was a modern update from the biological pathogens in the original War of the Worlds:
And scattered about it, some in their overturned war-machines, some in the now rigid handling-machines, and a dozen of them stark and silent and laid in a row, were the Martians ... dead! ... slain by the putrefactive and disease bacteria against which their systems were unprepared; slain as the red weed was being slain; slain, after all man's devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, has put upon this earth.
That's not the most pleasant image right now, considering an infectious agent has devastated our society. Also, New York, Los Angeles, and Washington DC were all vaporized in the initial alien assault. Millions died. That weighed heavily on Whitmore but Trump would just boast about how all his Florida land was spared.
Whitmore is only able to deliver his big speech because he trusts science. He supports the “cockamamie plan" from Jeff Goldbum's satellite technician. He even fires the bonehead secretary of Defense. Trump doesn't have science's back. He listens to Jared Kushner, and no alien invasion movie ends happily when the president pays attention to their idiot son-in-law.
After seeing the altered clip, Pullman told the Hollywood Reporter, "My voice belongs to no one but me, and I'm not running for president — this year."
He'd certainly be an improvement over what we have now.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).