FBI Director James Comey Tells Donald Trump To Shut His Lying Orange Yap-Hole

Maybe better at doing his job than we thought?

Good Monday morning, it's time for another mountain of bullshit from Donald Trump! After the weak loser "president" lost his dang marbles on Twitter Saturday morning, baselessly accusing President Obama of "illegally" doing a "wire tapp" to him (because he saw an article in Breitbart, which is where all real "presidents" get their news), White House Counsel Donald F. McGahn II went to work to get his hands on a secret Foreign Intelligence Surveillance (FISA) court warrant that would "prove" the Obama administration did the "illegal" "wire tapp." Of course, if a FISA court did approve a warrant, first of all, it would likely have come from the FBI, not Obama, and secondly, the very approval of such a warrant would indicate that the FISA judge was presented with compelling evidence that the Trump team was doing Very Bad Things with Russia, in which case it would be very legal.

Of course, if McGahn really did work hard to get his hands on such a (SECRET!) warrant, that would be highly wrong and bad and stupid, or as the New York Times puts it, it would be "a highly unusual breach of the Justice Department's traditional independence on law enforcement matters for the White House to order it to turn over such an investigative document." But this is the Trump White House, so fuck the rules, right?

House Democrats on the Judiciary Committee are pissed about this, and they fired off a letter to McGahn to PLEASE SPLAIN YOURSELF, noting that such interference is highly improper, and comparing it to that time Trump goon Reince Priebus begged the FBI and friendly congresspeople to tell the press that stories about Team Trump's constant contact with Team Putin were fake news alternative fact lies.

But did such a warrant even exist? Let's check in with our old pal FBI Director James Comey, who very publicly undermined Donald Trump this weekend, right in his orange face, by asking the Justice Department to please clarify that the "president" is talking out of his ass, and also lying:

The F.B.I. director, James B. Comey, asked the Justice Department this weekend to publicly reject President Trump’s assertion that President Barack Obama ordered the tapping of Mr. Trump’s phones, senior American officials said on Sunday. Mr. Comey has argued that the highly charged claim is false and must be corrected, they said, but the department has not released any such statement.

Mr. Comey, who made the request on Saturday after Mr. Trump leveled his allegation on Twitter, has been working to get the Justice Department to knock down the claim because it falsely insinuates that the F.B.I. broke the law, the officials said. [...]

Mr. Comey’s request is a remarkable rebuke of a sitting president, putting the nation’s top law enforcement official in the position of questioning Mr. Trump’s truthfulness. The confrontation between the two is the most serious consequence of Mr. Trump’s weekend Twitter outburst, and it underscores the dangers of what the president and his aides have unleashed by accusing the former president of a conspiracy to undermine Mr. Trump’s young administration.

Now, the Justice Department hasn't responded to Comey, possibly because, as NBC News notes, there's hardly anybody at Justice right now who even has the capability of doing such a thing, since Attorney General Jeff Sessions recused himself from any matters relating to investigations into Trump's fairly obvious ties with Russia.

Of course, as the NYT points out, it's not like Comey couldn't make the statement all by himself, not that he's ever taken such matters into his own hands, no not never:

It is not clear why Mr. Comey did not issue a statement himself. He is the most senior law enforcement official who was kept on the job as the Obama administration gave way to the Trump administration. And while the Justice Department applies for intelligence­-gathering warrants, the F.B.I. keeps its own records and is in a position to know whether Mr. Trump’s claims are true. While intelligence officials do not normally discuss the existence or nonexistence of surveillance warrants, no law prevents Mr. Comey from issuing the statement.

Statement or no statement, though, Comey is JUST SAYING that Trump is lying, and really needs to shut his yap-maker, though he is saying it way nicer than that. Is that good enough for Trump? Hahaha, of course not! Trump spokeswoman Sarah Huckster Huckabee Sanders said Monday morning that "No, I don't think he does" accept Comey's denial that Obama did a "wire tapp" of him, and that he definitely still wants Congress to investigate whether Obama did #SCANDALS! to him. Kellyanne Conway even told Fox News Comey should issue his own statement on the alleged wiretapping, because "we know he's not shy." But maybe he's only Not Shy when he's stealing the election from Hillary Clinton, Kellyanne, did you ever think of that?

But anyway, oh boy, what a Hail Mary this all is! Remember how Trump projects a whole lot, and he likes to say "bigger than Watergate!" about fake things every time investigators and the press are getting really close to the truth? And, like the petulant child he is, he won't accept Comey's denial that Obama did a "wire tapp" to him, even though Trump found that information right there inside his butt, like, how much more proof does anybody need?

We have a feeling he might accept Comey's resignation, though. Just a guess. And oh holy shit, how much more guilty will THAT make Trump look in the eyes of all sane and rational people? SO GUILTY.

Is it time for the entire Trump White House to go to jail yet? We're starting to think it's not an "if" anymore, but a "when," and everything is happening very, very fast, so stay tuned!

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[New York Times / New York Times again]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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