Alabama Mayor Bein' All Alabama 'N Sh*t
Alabama values life. When the state passed a draconian abortion bill, it wasn't about controlling women, they claim, but the "sanctity of life." If we bought that bullshit for a second, it might surprise us when the oh-so-pro-life mayor of Carbon Hill, Alabama, proposes killing a lot of people who are different from him.
Mark Chambers reportedly posted the following on Facebook (in ALL-CAPS psycho vision): "We live in a society where homosexuals lecture us on morals, transvestites lecture us on human biology, baby killers lecture us on human rights and socialists lecture us on economics!"
A Facebook friend of the mayor's then complained that minorities had "more rights than the majority." Black people are 27 percent of the population, but it's not like we're running the show over there. The most we've done is prevent Alabama from sending a creepy pervert to the Senate.
ANGRY PERSON: I hate to think of the country my grandkids will live in unless somehow we change and I think that will take a revolution.
Like Janet from The Rocky Horror Show, this fellow crackpot believes a cleansing "revolution" will benefit the nation somehow. Chambers is a bigot, but he's also an elected official. We presume he immediately set his friend straight.
CHAMBERS: The only way to change it would be to kill the problem out. I know it's bad to say but without killing them out there's no way to fix it.
Wow. OK, we ... probably saw that coming, to be honest.
A reporter from a local TV station contacted Chambers about his comments, which were public, because he's an idiot who doesn't know how Facebook works. He denied writing the post until he realized it was a material object that existed in the world so he tried the popular political excuse that it was "taken out of context." He claimed it was a private message, because he thinks we're idiots who don't know how Facebook works. Somehow during this exchange, Chambers wound up calling immigrants "ungrateful." He should never answer the phone.
This twist on an Abbott and Costello routine ended with the reporter literally reading the post back to Chambers, who "defended" himself thusly:
CHAMBERS: That's in a revolution. That's right! If it comes to a revolution in this country both sides of these people will be killed out.
Not to get all John Lennon here, but aren't we all people? If there are sides, we'd prefer the one with the "homosexuals, transvestites, baby killers, and socialists" instead of the one with the guy who doesn't know how to use Facebook.
It's annoying that the post remained up for so long, because Facebook deletes "men are trash" posts within seconds. Chambers eventually deleted the original post himself, and now he should delete his mayoral career. He's probably best suited to drive a cab late at night and write his deranged rants in a private journal he keeps forgetting is actually Facebook: "Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets ... wait, is this set to public?"
It's only fair to note that Chambers has issued a half-assed apology, in which he concedes "it was wrong to say anyone should be killed." How very moving. All those gay people might piss him off with their very existence, but he promises not to kill anyone or at least express those desires in a public forum.
A Facebook user responding to the mayor's apology declared Chambers "unfit to be an elected official" and suggested he "resign and also seek help for issues that literally have you talking about murdering human beings." Seems reasonable but have they thought about making him dinner? That's the approach a gentleman on Twitter is taking
Come with an open mind and an empty bellyTwitter
Are we feeding bigots now? There are actual starving people out there who aren't homophobic assholes. We're unsure what this would even achieve. Bigots are notoriously adept at compartmentalizing. They can maintain a polite facade in the presence of people they hate, but they'll continue hating us once they leave. No one's meatloaf is that good. Besides, this isn't a version of "Love It Or List It": "So, are you going to stay for dessert or are you going to 'kill out' the queers?"
Mr. Tache means well and is probably a bigger person than we are, because we wouldn't even take Chambers out for hash browns at his local Waffle House. To hell with him.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).