Federal Court Tells Nuns To Shove Paperwork Right Up Their Jesus Holes

There is this group of nuns in Colorado, and they are a bunch of dicks. No, seriously, They. Are. DICKS. The Little Sisters of the Poor Home for the Aged is ostensibly dedicated to doing good Jesus-y things, for old poors, but the sisters have been too busy suing the Obama administration over the contraception mandate because they think -- wrongly; they are VERY BAD at science -- birth control is the exact same thing as murdering babies. And they cannot possibly do any good Jesus-y things for old poors if Obama is going to force them to spend all their time murdering babies.

See? We told you they are dicks.

The Obama administration told them, "Fine, you do not have to murder babies -- or, more accurately, provide health insurance to employees that complies with the mandate to provide no copay birth control -- if you really don't want to. Just fill out this form, and we will accommodate your stupid objections, YOU'RE WELCOME."

Except the nuns did not say "thank you." With the help of the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty, a conservative legal group that help Bible-humpers sue for their First Amendment right to discriminate against chicks and gays, the nuns kept on suing and said, "No, that form is TOO BURDENSOME, and we cannot possibly exercise our religion if we have to fill out paperwork, since filling out the paperwork still results in sluts getting slut pills that we don't pay for but what give Babby Jesus a sad."

In case you have forgotten, here is what that TOO BURDENSOME all-consuming form requires:

The form asks for the name of the “objecting organization” and the name, title, address and phone number of the person certifying that it opposes providing contraceptive coverage.

So you can see how scribbling out a name AND address AND date AND signature would prevent the nuns from serving God because of all the seconds that takes.

Did the plaintiffs click their heels three times and invoke the Supreme Court's Hobby Lobby decision to argue that the government is not allowed to make them follow the law if they sincerely believe they shouldn't have to? Of course they did!

But on Tuesday, a three-judge panel of the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals told them to eat a bag of dicks:

The judges wrote that the law with the exemption does not burden the exercise of religion.

"Although we recognize and respect the sincerity of plaintiffs' beliefs and arguments, we conclude the accommodation scheme ... does not substantially burden their religious exercise," the three-judge panel wrote.

The court also said that the nuns' case is nothing at all like Hobby Lobby, because signing a form to opt out of providing insurance coverage of birth control is the EXACT OPPOSITE of being required to cover birth control, and sweet fucking Jesus in stirrups, sisters, just how stupid are you?

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We expect the butthurt losers to bitch and moan all the way to the Supreme Court, which, given its history on this issue (GRRR, ARGH, MAD!!!), will probably agree that the nuns cannot possibly do their do-gooder work for the Lord if one of them has to sign her name on a piece of paper, so with a little unelected lawyers in robes fairy dust, the nuns have a constitutional right to refuse to do even that, just like the First Amendment of the Bible says.



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