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He has an apple-headed mouth vagina, that means he's a feminist.


[contextly_sidebar id="V8nwGRjPSh03qnoT9iTCAy6sIA1uLUug"]There is so much sexism in America right now, and unfortunately it is all being done by Bill Clinton, and Hillary Clinton, and also Bill Clinton's 1990s penis. If that doesn't make sense to you, that's because you are not Donald J. Trump, who cherishes women so much he doesn't even know how to do sexism to them. He certainly wouldn't ever say Carly Fiorina has an ugly face (PERSONA!) or that Megyn Kelly asks bad debate questions because her wherever hole is bleeding.

[contextly_sidebar id="UfTWMbhJa58OXrY2Fnyf5HXdnB4D9ZqL"]And he CERTAINLY has never implied that he'd like to fuck his own daughter. Or violently assaulted the former Mrs. Trump, with his penis, allegedly. Just kidding, he has done all those things and more!

Here is Trump explaining Monday morning on the Tweeter how Bill Clinton sexisms American ladies with his penis:

And here is Trump explaining Saturday morning how Hillary uses Bill's penis like a microphone to say sexisms against ladies like Donald Trump:

Trump also told Fox News on Sunday that Hillary The Lady Beast That Pees With Her Girl Hole And Is Married To The Real Sexist is "playing the woman's card" by trotting Bill out on the campaign trail, because duh.

Oh, and here is a Trump spokesperson saying how Hillary directly did sexism to ladies who got schlonged by the Clenis:

Hillary Clinton has some nerve to talk about the war on women and the bigotry toward women when she has a serious problem in her husband. [...]

What’s interesting about this, this notion of being bullied is, I mean, I can think of quite a few women that have been bullied by Hillary Clinton to hide her husband’s misogynist, sexist secrets.

Oh gosh, breaking news right there! Did the Trump spox lady mention any of those women or name any specific secrets? Nah. She was just alluding to how Bill Clinton got a beej one time from Monica Lewinsky, in case you forgot to read the newspaper during the '90s.

[contextly_sidebar id="2a0dXjFW9ToDhPGcSOm78nWR1q8zaYU0"]This dumb fight has been going on since a few days before the Christmastime festival, when Trump told Michigan voters that Hillary got "schlonged" by Barack Obama in 2008, which is an incorrect use of a Yiddish word for penis. Trump, of course, said NO WAY, that's not what he meant, he just meant Barack Obama dicked her down with his big black schlong by beating her in the primary. That's not sexism, because Trump seems to think "schlong" is the common political term for winning an election. During the same Michigan rally, Trump told the gathered snot-farting morons that it was super gross when Hillary took a whiz during the debate, like right on the stage we guess:

She disappeared! Where did she go? Where did she go? I thought she quit! I thought she gave up! Where did she go? Where did Hillary go? They had to start the debate without her, Phase Two! Why? I know where she went. It’s disgusting. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s too disgusting. Don’t say it, it’s disgusting. We want to be very, very straight up.

SPOILER ALERT, BUT NOT ABOUT "STAR WARS": She was P-I-S-S-I-N-G, which is a known lady activity.

So, in response to the schlong comments and the wee-wee comments, Hillary pulled out her lady parts in an interview with the Des Moines Register and made them say the following words about Trump:

“I think he has to answer for what he says, and I assume that others will make the larger point about his language. It’s not the first time he’s demonstrated a penchant for sexism. Again, I’m not sure anybody’s surprised that he keeps pushing the envelope.”

[contextly_sidebar id="hfGPQlEt2bW96uk8iBpzxmS5UsfptMEY"]And now Donald Trump is running around all mad at Hillary's Sexist Vagina and Bill's Sexist Boygina. Maybe he thinks this is a good strategy for winning the election or something. Perhaps he will next follow Rand Paul's lead and suggest it's actually Hillary's FAULT the Clenis got the mouth hug from the Lewinsky, because of how well that worked out for Rand. Would Republican primary voters like that? Probably, because they are dumb assholes.

So, to sum up, Bill Clinton Blowjob Monica Lewinsky Hillary She-Devil Woman Card Sexism Sexism Sexism Girls Sure Do Take A Long Time To Pee Vote Donald Trump The End.

[Des Moines Register / The Hill / CNN]

 

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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