Fight The Terrorists Your Own Self With These Easy Fox News Tips
Now that The Terrorists are arriving in droves to invade America's sandwich shops and do 9/11 to us, with "ebola" and "ricin" -- but with even more 9 and more 11 -- you are probably staying up all the nights wondering how to prepare for that ... somehow. Fortunately, as always, Fox News has the survival tips you need.
On Sunday, Fox host and perpetual Republican candidate drop-out loser Jeanine Pirro invited former Navy SEAL Larry Yatch to warn Americans about how to protect themselves from convict "journalist" James O'Keefe wearing an Osama bin Laden Halloween mask. Yatch had some very helpful suggestions to keep you and your loved ones safe:
Yatch said that it was important to have a plan of action, and to prepare in advance with the right equipment.
The former SEAL recommended that everyone prepare a “go bag” with food, and the ability to filter water. Women who wore high heels to work, also needed to carry other shoes in case of attack, he said.
Yatch said that viewers should pack “comfort items” for sleeping and charging their mobile phones, and a knife for defense.
In case ISIS does come to a deli near you, with deadly diseases or a "Muslim" "prayer" "rug," you do not want to be caught off guard. Nothing immunizes you from ebola like sensible shoes, ladies.
And, just as expert draft-dodging pants-pooper Ted Nugent recently advised, nothing keeps you safe from a major terrorist attack, or at least the anniversary of a terrorist attack, like all the guns and ammo you hold in your cold not-yet-dead hands because "because the allahpukes are confident they will once again methodically slaughter walking cowering whining cryin helpless sitting ducks capable of zero resistance."
Just in case you are skeptical of all this expert advice, Jeanine Pirro has a bunch more expert advice from a bunch more experts -- and by experts, we mean people who watch Fox News and send in emails from their AOL accounts and post FaceSpace messages. You really cannot argue with that kind of expertise, mostly because they are all heavily armed so it's best to keep your mouth shut so they don't have to stand their ground to win the argument.
Expert Felicia, brave soul and True American who is very brave, is not only stocking up on ammo, but she's got a three-month food supply and is bravely trying to live "as normally as I can." We salute you, brave Felicia, for your brave courage.
In addition to those very specific tips on how to protect yourself from terrorists, since stupid Obama certainly won't, Expert Ray advises vigilance, and Expert Ann suggests "we Americans must band together to protect ourselves from the terrorism here on our soil."
And now, America, despite President Obama's best efforts to leave you exposed and vulnerable to the imminent threat of The Terrorists who are right over there -- look, right there, on the Mexican border, WITH CAR BOMBS!!! -- you now know how you can personally, individually, libertarianly protect your family with some food, some ammo, some vigilance, and of course SHOOOOOOOZ.