[contextly_sidebar id="k5MMW52RryyHlaprHOIHoE59B5nTkt81"]Have you heard about this United States presidential election we are having right now? Well! To catch you up, there are a bunch of men running for president. We'll call them the "normal" candidates. Then there is a lady (as if!) named Hillary Clinton (how'd she get in here?!) who is all, "I would like to be the president also too?" There WAS another lady by the name of Carly Fiorina, but America just wasn't woke enough to accept her, we guess, so BYE GURL BYE.

[contextly_sidebar id="J759b7vNPSSghAxwBg37Huk0FRnOEV0A"]But this "Hillary" one. Man oh man, and HRMPH! It's like no gentleman has ever had a sit-down with her to say, hey you lady, why don't you smile more? Hey, what are you doing on the Ellen show, dancing all silly-like? Frivolous chick! And for Christ's sake, don't bark!

Jimmy Kimmel, who continues to be trim and bearded and sexxxy, has finally stepped up to do what no other man will. He MANSPLAINED her everything she was doing bad! You should watch it. We would transcribe it for you, but fuck you, and also we don't want to ruin the #jokes:

[contextly_sidebar id="EHqkHuQZLkmpGXWMThxZjpDlQEy0FlWz"]WHEW, was that not refreshing? It was DEFINITELY better than last time she was on Jimmy, when he just let her sit there giggling at the Republican candidates, like where do you even get off, little lady? It's a nice change of pace from those other pusswads who can't even bring themselves to say the tiniest criticism of Hillary, due to their fear of her all-powerful lady-ness.

[contextly_sidebar id="8aZRyAMtrQmOYCVrVt9GcorPJs5d7aSO"]Like the Republicans unwilling to say, hey maybe if you want us to believe you didn't do Benghazi with your lady apron and your high heels, you shouldn't have used your Grrl Power to trick us into looking so dumb during the Benghazi hearings!

[contextly_sidebar id="5aANkbUjNmPJjl8XnY8fTbEGJ8lzlTyh"]Like Rush Limbaugh, who's too scared to point out that if Hillary's a REAL feminist, we should get rid of that silly antiquated rule about "Don't Hit Girls," because come on. Doesn't she want to be treated like a boyparts-haver? Then she should be willing to take a few licks right in the nuts, yeah?

[contextly_sidebar id="dGJnETahSkE7AsUU8So3SbGA0xOPPri2"]And don't even get us started on how feminazi blogs like RedState are totally unwilling to suggest that Hillary only got where she is because she rode the Clenis into power.

Maybe now that Jimmy has mansplained Hillary, we can have a respectable election. PFFFFFFT if she was even paying attention, she probably was bidding on Jimmy Choos on eBay while she got her nails done with Huma and made a pot roast and got barefoot and pregnant.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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