Fire The Writers, This Donald Trump/Michael Cohen Law Show Has Gone Off The Freaking Rails!
Have you guys met?
THIS SOAP OPERA IS TOO WEIRD! NO MAS! DONALD TRUMP IS MURDERING US DEAD WITH THIS SHIT!
But we are resurrected, just like torture victim Carter Page, who is inexplicably still talking. So let's try to sort out what the hell just happened in this neverending bad trip we're all on together. Because this one is HOOBOY!
Now, you may be wondering what does Trump's idiot lawyer Michael Cohen have to do with alleged ladybeater Eric Schneiderman? And the answer should be NOTHING! But ...
This morning a lawyer named Peter Gleason requested a protective order from Judge Kimba Wood in the case pending against Michael Cohen in the Southern District of New York (SDNY). According to Gleason,
My office was contacted some years ago by two unrelated women who at two separate times (approximately 1 year apart) claimed that Mr. Scheiderman [sic] was sexually inappropriate with them.
After the first consultation with one of Scheinderman's [sic] victims I explained to her how invariably the very entities that were established to protect her would ultimately turn on her to protect the power elite that includes Scheinderman [sic].
Gleason is a colorful character who is best known for representing the "Soccer Mom Madam" Anna Gristina, for whom he put his own New York apartment up as collateral for bail. It's not totally crazy to believe that these women would have come to him with their stories of abuse by Eric Schneiderman, the powerful (then-) New York Attorney General.
This part, though, is batshit insane. Gleason "wanted these women to realize that somebody believed them," so he went to DONALD TRUMP for help.
I discussed the matter with a retired journalist by the name of Stephen Dunleavy who suggested and offered to discuss the matter with Donald Trump. Mr. Dunleavy did indeed discuss this very matter with Mr. Trump as evidenced by a phone call I received from Attorney Michael Cohen.
Peter Gleason, a practicing attorney, knows of multiple, credible allegations of assault by a prominent member of the bar. He counsels the assault victims not to report the crime, and he himself fails to report the conduct to the New York State Bar Association. Instead he seeks out a tabloid journalist who has veered off into wingnuttia in his retirement, and that guy sends him on to Donald Trump.
Did Gleason get the women's permission to divulge their confidential information to a third party? Are we being led to believe that they were too scared to go to the police, but felt totally safe telling their stories to the host of Celebrity Apprentice? There seems to be a missing sentence here. Something along the lines of, "After consulting with my clients and getting written waiver of attorney-client confidentiality ..." Must be an oversight!
Is that what this tweet was about?
Weiner is gone, Spitzer is gone - next will be lightweight A.G. Eric Schneiderman. Is he a crook? Wait and see, worse than Spitzer or Weiner
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 11, 2013
According to the New York Times, YES! Yes, IT WAS!
WE HAVE QUESTIONS. A SHIT TON OF QUESTIONS.
Such as, why in the world would Donald Trump be able to help victims of sexual violence? Did any money change hands? What was the nature of Cohen's interest in these women's cases? What did Michael Cohen plan to do with the information on Mister Twwwump's nemesis Eric Schneiderman?
But mostly, we are wondering ... Are you out of your fucking mind, Peter Gleason?
As we were typing, Gleason has given two different explanations to the media. A self-serving one to the New York Times ...
Mr. Gleason said in an interview that Mr. Cohen had told him that if Mr. Trump were to run for and be elected governor of New York, he would help bring to light the women’s accusations about Mr. Schneiderman.
And a less attractive one to the LA Times ...
They were talking over dinner about Schneiderman's lawsuit against Trump University when Gleason brought up the abuse allegations, he recalled.
"Trump might be interested in that," Dunleavy responded, according to Gleason.
Soon after the dinner, Gleason said, he got a phone call from Cohen, Trump's self-appointed fixer. He said they had never spoken before.
"Cohen had a very sympathetic ear," Gleason recalled. "I realized, as a lawyer, he may want to use that information against his adversary.
And what does Mr. Gleason want from the Court?
The extent of Mr. Cohen memorializing any of our communications is unknown. However, these two women's confidentiality, as victims of sexual assault, should be superior to that of any unrelated subpoena.
Furthermore, the letter to the Court dated May 9, 2018, raises concerns of what appears to be reckless behavior on the part of Mr. Avenatti, particularly in the event that his client should be given leave to intervene.
Based on the foregoing, it is respectfully requested that the Court issue a protective order and seal any and all correspondence that Mr. Cohen may have memorialized regarding our communications which pertain to Mr. Scheinderman's [sic] assault on these two women.
So, let's see if we've got this straight. Gleason went and blabbed the identities of two sexual assault victims to Donald Trump's fixer because he thought it might help fend off Eric Schneiderman in the Trump University lawsuit. But now, he's very concerned about their privacy. And just in case the FBI found any record of his not at all shady dealings with Cohen when they raided his office, he'd like the Court to shield not only identifying information about these victims but the entirety of their communications. To protect the women.
In other words, LORDY HE HOPES THERE AREN'T TAPES! And also, pleasepleaseplease keep that scary Avenatti guy away from me!
You're killing us with this shit. For the love of God, please! NO. MORE. NEWS. TODAY.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.