Five Things George Zimmerman Might Have Been Doing When He Got Arrested With That Gun (Updated)


Welp, according to"," which is apparently a thing on the Interwebz, beloved Sidewalk Crusader George Zimmerman has been "taken into custody after incident with gun." Well, that makes once anyway!

But the story by "" is woefully lacking in any kind of explanation, and so now we are filled with questions! Considering Zimmerman's long history of innocence when it comes to guns, and shooting people with them, obviously he could not have done anything too terrible with that gun. SO WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?

Five Things George Zimmerman Might Have Been Doing When He Got Arrested With That Gun

By Wonkette

    1. Trying to play Monopoly "Minnesota Style"

    2. Helping demonstrate one of Chekhov's axioms of dramaturgy

    3. Shooting a tree branch so it would fall down so the kitten that was stuck on it would not starve to death and die because that is only for children, in New Jersey

    4. Demonstrating that he really was just happy to see someone

    5. Shooting someone with it, to death.

Update: In a surprising twist that absolutely no one could have seen coming, we learn that

George Zimmerman has been taken into custody in Central Florida after his estranged wife called police saying he threatened her and her father with a gun.

Lake Mary police say they were called Monday afternoon to Shellie Zimmerman's parents' house on Sprucewood Road. Shellie Zimmerman's parents, David and Machelle Dean, live at the home.

Lake Mary police spokesman Zach Hudson said police are "trying to determine what exactly happened."


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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