Florida Appointee Utters 'Climate Change' Three Times In Succession, Summons Devil Himself
Florida, soon to be known as the "Look, Mom, I'm In The Ocean!" state, due to the fact that the liberal conspiracy of "climate change" is fixin' to sink it real good, has been in the news lately, over the fact that you may or may not be allowed to utter the words "climate change," if you work for Florida's Department Of Environmental Protection (DEP). It's not a written policy, of course -- it's just more UNDERSTOOD that, if you want to remain in good standing with your Koch Brothers-owned state gubmint, you'd better be pretty careful about saying ... THOSE WORDS. Democratic state senators have been enjoying bullying Gov. Rick Scott's various minions, trying to set evil liberal traps that force them to say the bad words, which describe something that 97% of climate scientists agree is a real, true thing.
Well Jonathan Steverson, the man Scott appointed to be his buttboy at the DEP, is over it! He says there is NO BAN, and to prove it, he said "climate change" THREE WHOLE TIMES in his confirmation hearing:
"Climate change. Climate change. Climate change," Steverson responded when asked by Sen. Darren Soto, D-Orlando, about the reported prohibition. "There I said it three times. There is absolutely no policy against discussing climate change at the department. In fact, we have multiple programs related to climate change."
Hooray! He can say whatever he wants, just like a teenager whose mom just dropped him off at the mall to smoke drugs with his friends. "Fuck fuck fuck! Climate change climate change climate change!"
Reports vary as to whether Steverson's utterance summoned Beetlejuice, the Bloody Virgin Mary or 97% of all living climate scientists, but we're pretty sure whoever showed up slapped him across the face nice and hard. We're also pretty sure he's not going to do much to keep Florida from falling into the ocean, which is a good thing or a bad thing, depending on much you like Florida:
"Now, as a resident of Northwest Florida I'm not as concerned," Steverson joked. "That means I'm that much closer to redfish fishing. Down in South Florida, I know we have to worry about that as far as what it's going to impact our infrastructure."
Good joking, Mr. Steverson! You live in Flor-abama, the ugly part of the state, so it's no big! He assured the committee (which totally voted for his confirmation) that he knows that "climate change is always happening," and that the thing about the sea levels rising is also totally real! He said they are working on it, so WHEW, Florida saved! (No it isn't.)
Of course, Steverson likely only did this to try to deflect attention from the fact that UM YEAH, people in the state's employ are definitely discouraged from using those demon words, as your Wonkette has reported previously. Specificially, they like to stay away from "climate change," "global warming" and "sustainability," favoring the much nicer sounding "atmospheric reemployment." Florida's not going to fall into the sea! It's going to going to be re-employed, underwater! You think you can't breathe on Disney World rides now? JUST YOU WAIT.
Think Progress also reports that this language policing extends even to scientists they work with, who just go along with it apparently:
An e-mail exchange obtained and released yesterday by Greenpeace, however, shows a DEP communications officer instructing a scientist to avoid mentioning the cause of sea-level rise during a documentary interview.
“I know the drill,” the scientist wrote in response.
That's right. Just don't talk about it. Close your eyes. Mean liberal science stuff can't happen to you if you don't look directly at it. Just keep buying new beachfront condos, all of which come with unique water features, which Mother Nature will personally install sometime in the next few years. Everything will be fine. Shhhhhhhhh.