Florida House Candidate Puts Beyoncé ON NOTICE For Being A Secret Italian Controlled By George Soros

Conspiracy Theories

Most of us don't expect a lot from those running for Congress in Florida. But this weekend, one such man — KW Miller, a QAnon guy and an Independent candidate hoping to represent Florida's 18th District — brought it. And by "brought it," I mean "went on an absolutely batshit Twitter rant about how Beyoncé is a Secret Italian who is only pretending to be Black and Patti LaBelle is a Satanic Deep State Agent."

It was truly beautiful. And by beautiful, I mean right off the goddamn wall. So let's take a look!

Wait til this guy finds out that the original title of Lemonade was Limoncello! Well, it wasn't, but it could have been. Who can say?

Alas, as much as we'd all love to claim Beyoncé, I am very sure it's not true, because the first rule of being Italian is to never shut up about being Italian. Also because she is very clearly a Black woman, with Black relatives and everything. (How does Solange fit into this? Has she also been in on it this whole time?) Trust me, if she had Italian relatives, half the eastern seaboard would know about Angela's Cousin Beyoncé.


Miller then goes on to explain how "Formation" was a coded message to the globalists, who apparently have absolutely no access to cell phones and can only communicate through song lyrics, symbolism in music videos and tweets that don't mean what they obviously mean.

Miller wants to know why she wanted the ladies to get into formation four years ago, and obviously it was to line up to get vaccines so that Bill Gates could put the Mark of the Beast on all of them. Because of how much Beyoncé loves Satan.

Or satin. One of the two.

Miller then went on to explain that the real Becky With The Good hair is Becky Hogge, a UK-based music and technology writer who worked for George Soros's Open Society Foundation in some capacity.

A quick Google Image search reveals that while Hogge has perfectly fine hair, it's not really anything to write home about. At least not anything to write an entire song about. Curious! Probably "good hair" is code for something we don't even know about yet. Either that, or this song is not about her. It appears as though Miller just Googled "George Soros Becky" and decided that was probably what was going on there, as Becky is such an extremely unusual name.

But that's how these people make all of their "discoveries."

Now, you might think KW Miller probably tired himself out after revealing all that incredibly important and definitely true-sounding information, but no. He went right on to, of all people, Ms. Patti LaBelle.

Ms. Patti, he claims, is a Satanic Deep State operative who is part of the nefarious plan to reinstall Barack Obama as President of the United States.

His evidence? A song off of her 1994 album Gems titled "This Word is All," which was never even a single. Take a listen. It is very Satan-y.

This Word Is All - Patti LaBelle www.youtube.com

Huh.

Well, wait 'til he finds out about Lady Marmalade, who very well could have been brewing up some adrenochrome down in old New Orleans, we don't know. Or that Ms. Patti's original backing group was The Bluebells.

Patti LaBelle and the Bluebells "You"ll Never Walk Alone" 1965 youtu.be

According to a Google search I just did, "bluebells are also called harebells in Scotland because it is believed that witches turned into hares and hide among the flowers." Which means that it is totally possible that Patti LaBelle is a witch who can turn herself into a rabbit. And isn't one of the big QAnon things "follow the white rabbit?" So maybe Patti LaBelle is also a Secret Italian and they are supposed to follow her? To something?

Also, Cindy Birdsong was one of the original members of the Bluebells, and she replaced Florence Ballard in the Supremes after she was screwed over by Berry Gordy and Diana Ross. Beyoncé, like Diana Ross, left a girl group and embarked on a solo career and then she went on to play Deena Jones, who was based on Ross, in Dreamgirls, a musical loosely based on Florence Ballard getting screwed over by Berry Gordy and Diana Ross. This all means something, probably. Something other than that I've been spending too much time with my mother. Or it would, if I were a nutjob House candidate from Florida.

Personally, I want him to keep on this, as I'd love to know how Laura Nyro figures into all of this, and also I am curious about what Satanic imagery exists in the video for "On My Own," featuring Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald.

Patti LaBelle - On My Own (Official Music Video) ft. Michael McDonald www.youtube.com

Sadly, it turns out that the tweet thread that spurred the "Beyoncé is a Secret Italian" theory was a very obvious joke theory posted on by Twitter user @bracarvs.


But hey! Just because Beyoncé is probably not a Secret Italian doesn't mean she can't still be Queen of the Illuminati, or that Patti LaBelle is not a Satanic Deep State Operative. Sure, neither of those things are actually true, but a Florida House Candidate can dream, can't he?

[Twitter]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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