Donate

Stop us if you've heard this one before. Gun-toting Real American Hero Florida Man is just minding his own business and patrolling his charming suburban subdivision, packing heat as one does in Florida, when he sees a dangerous teenager, and, by the power vested in him by his volunteer neighborhood watch group, goes after the teenager, and then shoots the teenager in self-defense. And it's perfectly legal, because Florida. The difference, this time, is that (a) the shooter isn't George Zimmerman, and (b) the kid isn't dead:


A teenager is recovering at Orlando Regional Medical Center Wednesday after being shot by a Lake County man who allegedly witnessed him burglarizing a home.

According to the Lake County Sheriff's Office, Florida Man was strolling through his neighborhood with Mrs. Florida Man, on the appropriately named Cavalier Court, when he noticed something was amiss! A suspicious youth was suspiciously in his neighborhood, behaving suspiciously, like he was casing the place. And then he spied this suspicious kid in his neighbor's backyard. So did Florida Man or his wife reach for their cellular telephones and call the police? Heck no, this is Florida, man!

The husband grabbed a gun and moved in for a closer look inside the home in the Grand Island area between Leesburg and Eustis. As he peered through a broken window, the intruder heaved a television through it.

The alleged burglar — later found to be a 16-year-old boy, apparently unarmed — spotted him and bolted, sheriff's Lt. John Herrell said. The husband ordered the intruder to stop and get on the ground. But the youth, he told police, charged toward him. [...]

No criminal charges are expected against the neighbor because of the circumstances, he said.

"When the witness confronted him and the suspect charged, the witness told us he was in fear for his life and acted to defend himself," Herrell said. "The neighbor was doing what he thought was the right thing."

Good thing Florida Man only managed to shoot the unarmed 16-year-old in the shoulder. A mere flesh wound, not a fatality. Not that it would matter, because, like the po-po said, Florida Man was simply doing what he thought was right. And in Florida, that's reason enough to go after suspicious looking kids, guns a-blazin'. And even if he had shot the kid to death, well, isn't it worth it, to save a stolen TV? Florida Man's neighbors think so:

"Yeah, that's awesome," said resident Charlene Coomer. "I know that he is part of the Neighborhood Watch. We have lived here for three years and we have never had anything like this."

"He did what he thought was right and I believe it too," resident Phillip Elliot said. "He was trying to help out his fellow neighbor, that's what he was doing."

Awesome! Just being a good neighbor. And that kid probably wouldn't have gotten shot if he hadn't charged (allegedly, although the cops seem to think this is a proven fact) at Florida Man. But hey, you make your local neighborhood watchman nervous, that's what you get.

No word yet on whether Florida Man's grateful neighbors are planning a parade in honor of their new "hero," but being Florida, we figure he should at least get some celebratory gunfire, since apparently most of his neighbors are armed too. You know, for the safety of the neighborhood.

[WFTV via Rawstory / Orlando Sentinel]

$
Donate with CC

Wednesday, during Sarah Huckabee Sanders's first public explosion of lies in 16 days, she gave a very unclear answer to a question from the New York Times's Maggie Haberman, which was "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" Specifically the question was about Russian reports that Putin's rogue shithole state would like to question/detain 11 Americans for their supposed "crimes" against Russia, in exchange for Russia's cooperation in letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian military intelligence officials he indicted last week for hacking our 2016 election. Putin's list of pals he would like to have for a chat starts with businessman Bill Browder, who used to be Russia's biggest foreign investor, who is actually a British citizen (LOL Russia is stupid), and who is Vladimir Putin's arch-enemy because Browder and his Russian accountant Sergei Magnitsky (whom Putin later had killed in jail) exposed massive Russian government corruption that led to the creation of "Magnitsky Acts" all over the world that sanction the ever-loving fuck out of Putin and his buddies.

Getting rid of the Magnitsky Act is Putin's number one foreign policy priority, so it's probably safe to say it's high on Donald Trump's list too. Indeed, during Trump's shameful press conference with Putin, Trump said Putin had made an "incredible offer" during their private meeting, and it was MOAR PEE HOOKERS! for the quid pro quo we described above. How sweet of Trump's KGB boss to offer to make such an Art Of The Deal with him!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

In an impressive display of fiscal restraint, House Republicans yesterday refused to fund security for election systems before this fall's midterms, because ... well, not sure, really. (Just kidding. We know why and you know why and they know you know and we know why!)

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc