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The 2000 election is never dead. It's not even past. We're doomed to repeat the whole hideous hanging chads Florida debacle for all eternity. Roger Stone is even getting the gang back together for another Brooks Brothers riot, featuring Laura Loomer and the QAnon crew. Bring your Trumpy Bear along for the show and receive a free beer koozie!

As Rick Scott's lead over Bill Nelson in the senatorial election shrinks to 13,000 votes, the GOP has entered full panic mode. Just like in 2000, they need a judge to step in and put a stop to the vote counting STAT! What a lucky break that the election supervisors in both Broward and Palm Beach Counties are African American women -- not that they'd have had any trouble getting Trump to shout insane shit about the election, but it doesn't hurt.


So the Republicans are going all in on their regular DEMOCRAT CORRUPTION script. The normal process of counting all the votes, which is exactly what they're doing in California and Arizona, is somehow "new ballots showed up out of nowhere." And the fact that it takes longer to count votes in Fort Lauderdale, where people actually live, than in East Gatorcrack, is a sign of "incompetence and mismanagement."

Rick Scott is going full banana republic, suing to get the vote tallying machines impounded and threatening to send in the state police, despite his own secretary of state's repeated assertions that there is no fraud. Scott wants the court to toss any ballots not counted in Broward County by last Saturday night, including hundreds that got impounded in an Opa-Lacka post office during the pipe bomb plot by Florida Man Cesar Sayoc, even though they'll still be counting military and overseas ballots until November 16. Trump's favorite Attorney General Pam Bondi is putting pressure on the Florida Department of Law Enforcement to investigate Scott's entirely unsubstantiated claims of fraud. And a Florida judge just called a one hour recess and told the parties to go sort their shit out, after telling everyone to "tamp down the rhetoric" and stop screaming about non-existent corruption that destroys Floridians' faith in the electoral process.

The senatorial race is close enough that a mandatory hand recount is now required, and the gubernatorial race is in machine count territory. But counting all the votes again by the deadline -- which Governor Rick Scott could extend, but won't -- will likely be impossible in the populous counties due to Florida's outdated voting machines, as Palm Beach County Board of Elections Supervisor Susan Bucher explained.

Bucher said it comes down to the tabulators used in the midterm election. Bucher said they're archaic and were unable to handle volume of votes.

"Our tabulating equipment does not calculate more than one election at a time," Bucher said. Republican Chair Michael Barnett tells WPBF that's an excuse.

"We have 65 out 67 counties that have accomplished their job under the law. It's not about the law, it's about the competence and the equipment and the process being employed in Broward and Palm Beach County,"

And Florida law clearly states that citizens must be disenfranchised if their elected officials are incompetent or if the machines can only recount one race at a time. PROBABLY.

Now the GOP wants to have their email votes counted in Republican-leaning Bay County?

And do not even get us started on this fakakta ballot that caused 25,000 people to forget to vote for governor in Broward County. This way madness and butterfly ballots lie.

Seriously, though. WTF, Florida? We'll refrain from talking a lot of shit about you right now, because you passed the felon re-enfranchisement law. But we are thinking it. LOUDLY.

[WPBF / NYT]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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