Ted Cruz Flees With Family To Mexico Looking For Better Life

pic via everybody on Twitter, we don't know who made it

Did Ted Cruz get his mullet greased in Me-Hee-Co while Texas dies in its own Katrina? Yes. Or at least he tried to!

Pictures started going viral last night on Twitter of somebody who looked a lot like the seditionist GOP senator from Texas, getting on an aeroplane from Houston's Bush Intercontinental Airport, to fly to Cancun, where today's weather forecast calls for sunny skies and a high of 85. But at first people weren't 100 percent positive it was he, because his hair didn't look quite as shitty as it has recently, and the guy in the pictures wasn't letting Donald Trump insult his wife, so who could say?

But it sure was him. Canadian Ted Cruz crossed the border into Mexico with his family last night, looking for a better life for his family, outside the hellscape the Texas GOP created with its "Government So Small You Can Freeze To Death In Your Own Bathtub" policies.

So that's not a good look.

Fox News confirmed it was Cruz. Millions — millions! — of people have gone without power this week in Texas in freezing temperatures, because Texas has its OWN POWER GRID DAMMIT PEW PEW! and has knowingly refused to winterize that grid. People don't have food. People don't have water. People are dying, and it's directly because of decisions their GOP government made.

And Ted Cruz flew off to Cancun last night to eat cans of Campbell's soupfor his family on the beach. Fox News's source, a Republican, said "The photos speak for themselves."

It's not that Ted Cruz doesn't care about what's happening in Texas, SHRUGGIE EMOTICON:

California was literally on fire when he made fun of their electricity going out, and he didn't tell anybody to "stay safe." But "Stay safe!" said the guy currently seeing how many Speedos he can fit in his carry-on, allegedly.

Before Fox News confirmed it, former MSNBC guy David Shuster confirmed that the Cruz family, he, the seditionist senator who helped incite a fascist coup and domestic terrorist attack on the Capitol last month, and his wife, the Goldman Sachs asshole, had jetted off to a little place they like to stay in Cancun.

After all, what could the junior senator from Texas possibly do for the state he represents in the Senate? We don't know, but Beto O'Rourke, the guy who barely lost his 2018 bid to unseat Cruz, seems to have found a way to keep his hands busy.

They're calling senior citizens all over Texas to get them what they need. You can help too.

As the Houston Chroniclereports, O'Rourke said last night on MSNBC that from what he had heard, the punchy-faced senator from Alberta was sunning his nipples on the white sands of Cancun while his state suffered. Texas Democratic state Rep. Gene Wu was also aware:

Wu added later last night that after Cruz had voted to give Donald Trump a mulligan for that terrorist attack Trump and the seditionists incited, he said, "I need a vacation." Ha ha, Ted Cruz, we bet.

Did we mention Texans are literally freezing to death right now? Oh well anyway, in case you or Ted Cruz forgot, since it's also being reported that, in the middle of Texas's Katrina, Ted Cruz's staff called the Houston Police to ask for their help getting Cruz through the airport to his flight to Cancun, because surely HPD wasn't busy doing anything else last night, right?

He's coming back now, of course, or at least appears to be. Oh no, and right after Heidi massaged Banana Boat all over his bottom! (Allegedly.) According to Jake Sherman's sleuthing, looks like he was on standby for business class this morning under "CRU, R," which would make sense since his Canadian name is "Rafael."

Ted Cruz has skated by — haha, but not LITERALLY skating, like on ICE, like the kind that's blanketing TEXAS — for years being the biggest fucking asshole in the Senate, the one even his own colleagues despise. His own voters often are like "Sure, he's a godawful, horrible piece of shit, but he's MY godawful, horrible piece of shit." But we dunno, this might actually not end well for him. Because Texans, again, are literally DYING RIGHT NOW. And it seems like they have a pretty good idea why this is all happening!

The Texas Democrats have called for Cruz's resignation, saying they're not surprised, they're just disappointed. We guess we'll just have to see how this all shakes out.

Here's a tweet from Rafael from Canada last year, very mad at the mayor of Austin for, um, going to Mexico in the middle of a crisis:

So that's cool.

Have a nice flight, Ted.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is ad-free and funded ENTIRELY by YOU. Be the change you want to see in the world! Thank you we love you!

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc