Former Tennessee Pol Nabbed In High-Speed Fap-Fest
A former alderman and vice mayor from Mount Carmel, Tennessee,has been arrested on charges of indecent exposure after a female motorist said he "'fondled himself' and made obscene gestures while they drove beside each other on Interstate 26." William Lee Blakely, 30, had previously been investigated on similar charges in 2010, but the case was dropped when the woman who initially reported that incident "declined to move forward with the prosecution to avoid embarrassment." At a preliminary hearing in the new case, three women testified that they had witnessed Blakely exposing himself on the freeway at high speeds. While Yr Wonkette appreciates Blakely's contribution to the weird-news genre and the resulting opportunity for wanking puns, we also hope he gets tossed into the pokey. (Hey-o!)
Terry Christian, a detective for the Kingsport, Tennessee, police, said that Blakely was likely the cause of other multiple complaints of vehicular dickishness over the past 3 to 4 years, involving women aged 16 to 65, but that only one witness in the most recent incident managed to get his license plate number.
Witnesses reported that Blakely drove like and displayed a complete schmuck:
Personal accounts in Thursday's testimonies started the same -- Blakely allegedly waving to get the drivers' attention, then escalating to honking and partially crossing over into the drivers lane.
"Waving, grabbed his shirt, kind of pulled it up," witness Deanna Dykes said.
"After the waving, it turned into a lot of beeping, him grabbing his chest area, and asking me going 'please, please' (clasping hands together) with his hands, may I... show me yours," witness Kelly Street said.
Each witness testified they were fearful Blakely's driving would cause an accident.
"He was taking his hand, wetting his mouth, and masturbating," [Deborah] Sturgill said.
"At over 90 miles per hour, he had his penis out [the window]... he was masturbating... and that's when it got really, really bad. I wouldn't look over any more, and I wrote his tag number down on my hand, which I believe he noticed, and he exited very quickly," Street said.
Yr Wonkette is somewhat impressed that Blakely was able to manage all that at 90 miles per hour, particularly since such speeds would cause our 1973 Chevy, Vlad the Impala, to rattle itself to pieces, to say nothing of any other shaking that might occur. And frankly, high-speed moto-wanking was also just not something that had occurred to us.
We are happy to point out to Mr. Blakely that, relative to the center of the galaxy, he is already traveling some 490,000 mph just staying at home without horrifying or endangering anyone, so could you please just keep your orange jumpsuit zipped now?
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