We haven't spent a lot of time watching Donald Trump's minions beat their chests and thrash about in response to the news that Trump is not allowed back on Facebook. As fun as it is, we figure he's got that LiveJournal now, which should keep the baby occupied for a few days.

But Right Wing Watch bringeth glad tidings of, we dunno, one of those idiot televangelists they monitor, and we are pretty sure this guy has the most hilarious, insanest response to the Trump Facebook ban.

Did you know Facebook upholding the Trump ban is just like when Satan murdered Jesus? Which is ... not exactly how the Bible goes, but OK. And did you know Facebook is gonna be SORRY, just like DEVIL WAS SORRY?

The man's name is Shane Vaughn, and far's we can tell, this is his Wonkette debut. He is the pastor of First Harvest Ministries in Assfuck Waveland, Mississippi, and he apparently went viral after the election with some pissant video about how Trump was totally still going to get to keep being president. He's very good at predictions like that.

In this video highlighted by Right Wing Watch, Vaughn lays out his Devil analogy. He's very excited about Trump's new Blogspot account. But, perhaps recognizing that Trump's little blog probably won't have much reach, he is demanding that "100,000 patriots" become "reporters for Donald Trump," to get his Christlike message out there.



"Get his words out there since they wanted to be so smart that they wound up being stupid."

He means Facebook.

"They made the same mistake that Satan made when he killed Jesus Christ. By killing that one man and killing his voice, he created a world full of little Christians that echo the message of Christ. See? Stupid on the devil's part."

Satan did not actually participate in the killing of Jesus, according to this Bible we have right here, and according to this Apostle's Creed what says Jesus was "crucified under Pontius Pilate." Look at this assclown thinkin' the Devil blazed in like Batman to murder Jesus, what a dick. Fuckin' dumbass, fuckin' DO YOU EVEN "BIBLE," BRO?

"The Bible says had Satan known what was going to happen, he would never have crucified Jesus Christ, because what he did was he started a harvest of Christians that echo the message," Vaughn continued.

The Bible does not mention a "harvest of Christians," at least not in those precise terms. (It uses a lot of "harvest" imagery.) It doesn't even mention Christians until Luke writes of it in Acts 11:26. (But really that wasn't what they were calling themselves, but more what outside society started calling them.) After that, it uses the word "Christians" two more times, but neither of them was about a "harvest" that made the Devil so mad he couldn't even. The early church didn't adopt the term, really, until post-Bible days.

Maybe we're being nitpicky, but we just don't think this prophet from Waveland, Mississippi, is much of a Bible trivia champion. Sounds like he needs to find a fuckin' Sunday school and go to it.

"He only had one man to deal with, now he's got a whole population full of us. Same thing they're doing with Trump."

Because these people aren't even Christians anymore. Their lord and savior has been replaced with a large orange man who's still proud he passed a dementia test.

"Let them crucify him, but we're now the echo, and we're going to put it on every page, every Twitter account, everything we got because the Oversight Board didn't rule that we couldn't share Trump content. It's allowed on Facebook, for now anyway, so take advantage of it while we can."

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, um, on Twitter! Yeah, and baptizing them in the name of He Who Knows The Holy Words Person, Woman, Man, Camera And TV, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you! And surely Trump is with you always, to the very end of the age!

Got that? Satan crucifying Jesus (still not how it went down) is just like ... wait did dude just type "Let them crucify him"? And by "him" he means Facebook vis a vis Trump? That is so blasphemous we don't know what to say. AND WE ARE A LIBERAL DICK BLOG.

"I'm ordaining all of you right now as evangelists of the Trump revival," Vaughn declared.

Cool. They're all getting ordained as Trump Priests of the Trump Revival. Which doesn't seem compatible with worshiping Jesus, really. Especially in light of that whole Ten Commandments thing about "Ye shall have no other gods before me." Alas, we digress.

Anyway, that is the stupidest and most hilarious reaction we have found to Facebook preventing Donald Trump, a mere mortal man, from setting up a new profile so he can play Farmville and incite domestic terrorist attacks.

God bless.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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