'Fox & Friends' Sorry For Making Donald Trump More Stupider, Will Keep Doing It Anyway

Hard-hitting journalism.

The MENSA couch at "Fox & Friends" is feeling embarrassed, y'all. Those real journalists take their jobs seriously, because they know that while an untold number of wingnuts watch them while they're eating their breakfast (last Halloween's candy corn they found in their jean short pockets), their TRUE audience is a guy in the White House, who RELIES on them for accurate, thoughtful reporting, as he eats his own breakfast (last night's burnt steak he found in his man booby cleavage). It's not like he's listening to his security briefings, so the "Fox & Friends" kids know if they drop the ball, the president might put national security at risk by acting on #FakeNews.

"Fox & Friends" failed Monday morning, in reporting on a wingnut article from The Hill about James Comey's classified memos. Unfortunately they either skimmed the thing or read it upside down, or maybe they just made up the news report entirely, which led Donald Trump to dig through the darkness of his grundle to find his phone, so he could tweet this:

Oh fiddlesticks! Oh motherfudge! Oh my heck! No homo! That's not what that report in The Hill said at all! And it's definitely not true, as noted Pulitzer-worthy mommyblog Wonkette has clearly explained! And now poor Donald Trump is probably hiding behind some curtains in the White House, CRYING because he's so embarrassed he tweeted something so wrong, on account of how "Fox & Friends" did a dipsy doodle.

Better issue a correction. Steve Doocy, you're up!

Yesterday on this program we aired and tweeted a story saying former FBI director James Comey leaked memos containing top secret information. We were mistaken in that. According to a report half of the memos in the report contained information classified at the secret or confidential level, not top secret. And the markings of the government documents in which Mr. Comey leaked are at this point unclear.

Yes, that is DEFINITELY STRAIGHTENED OUT! We are very clear that those were indeed words, in some sort of order! As Mediaite notes, this "correction" took a full 26 seconds, which means it's entirely possible Trump missed it, like for example if he was doing his morning Constitutional at the time. (And by "Constitutional," we mean President Popular Vote Loser was makin' dooky, as opposed to reading the Constitution or something. Those words are TOO BIG.)

Also? It's not "unclear" whether or not Comey leaked classified information. He didn't. That's settled fact. HE. DIDN'T. So we guess "Fox & Friends" only half corrected its fuckup.

It's a good thing "Fox & Friends" has such a stellar reputation for reporting things correctly, otherwise the bloated ghost of Dead Roger Ailes might haunt these esteemed journalists in their sleep! Thank Fake News Jesus they're still confident in their reporting that Barack Obama put "wire tapps" in Donald Trump's bottom and that Hillary Clinton received all the "answers" to the 2016 election debate questions beforehand, and hallelujah, they are still pretty sure they asked the right questions a couple years back when they reported on how rude sharks rudely insist on living in the ocean.

Otherwise they might have to issue some REAL retractions!

Oh well. We can't all be perfect ALL the time. All we can do is OUR BEST.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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