On the left, Stuart Varney, who is scared of girls. On the right, the dude who killed bin Laden.

Good news! Ladies are now officially allowed to go do all the same war combat things the gentlemens get to do! SCANDAL! You see, some people believe men and women should be equal, so they are happy about this. Others think a lady's proper place is in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant while the big tough men go off to war. And some in our special forces are a little bit concerned when they imagine what it would be like for a woman to serve alongside the Real Men. Will they be big and strong enough? Will they have their periods like all the time, maybe even once a month?

All of this makes Fox Business host Stuart Varney very uncomfortable in his no-no region. So Varney figured he'd ask Rob O'Neill, the former Navy SEAL who says he shot Osama bin Laden right in his wherevers, what he thought about these yucky ladies and their "combat equality." Surely a macho dude like that would relate to Varney's very manly concerns, right? Ahem:

VARNEY: Can I ask you for a flat-out judgment? Do you think that women should be part of special ops teams that go in and shoot down Osama bin Laden?

O'NEILL: I’ve operated with women. They’ve actually come with us on special operations. We use them a lot for some of the searching of women and children, cultural sensitivity type stuff. Also ... I know that these Islamic fighters, they don’t fear death, but they do fear Hell, and if they are killed by women, they go to Hell as far as they know. So, I like to say, lock and load, ladies. If they don’t lower the standards and they pass them, I think they should get a shot.

Varney is like HUH! about all this. So if the ladies can do all the stuff the men do, just as good as the men, it's OK for common girls to do boy stuff? Like what the heck, Stuart Varney just can't even. He then explains he has never fought in a war, never fired a gun because he was mad, and never even asked a bro if he wanted to Take This Outside, so he has NO IDEA what he is even talking about. Still, he wants to Just Ask Questions out of his ass some more. Is O'Neill, former Navy SEAL who killed bin Laden, CERTAIN it would be OK for a vagina-haver to be in his foxhole, helping him kill bad guys?

VARNEY: You're perfectly OK going into a life-and-death situation, with a woman by your side? I'm told that it changes the dynamics of the group that you're operating with!

It's gotta be frustrating when the going gets rough and it's time to murder the terrorists and the ladies are like, "Just a second, I'm braiding my hair and talking about boys and practicing kissing on my dolls, GIVE ME FIVE MORE MINUTES!"

That, for the record, is when O'Neill rolls his eyes at the Fox News moron, says sure it COULD change the dynamic, and he doesn't want to do a "social experiment" in the military, but "if the standards stay the same, it's equal opportunity-type stuff." He even says that for certain things involving intelligence and reconnaissance, it's BETTER for men and women to work together.

Varney is like PFFFFFT, whatever:

I just wonder, though ... I think men have a sort of hunter-gatherer mentality. They go out and break things and kill people. I wonder if ... I'm on dangerous ground here and I know it ... but you get where I'm coming from? You see my point, without me actually having to spell it out?


Anyhoo, congrats ladies! You go out there and kill the terrorists real good. Fox Business host Stuart Varney will be back here in the States, hiding in a corner and soiling his underthings.



Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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