Fox News Found The Real Insurrection, It Was The Supreme Court Leaker This Whole Time!

Monday night's breaking news that Justice Samuel Alito has written a vile little diatribe masquerading as a big boy Supreme Court draft opinion overturning Roe, eviscerating abortion access, and setting the stage for criminalizing the existence of anybody who isn't straight, white, male, and Christian, came RIGHT smack dab in the middle of Fox News's prime white power propaganda hours.

It was remarkable how quickly they all coalesced on what they were really mad about. What? You thought they were going to be having sloppy orgasms all over each other on Fox, because the thing they've been working for all these years may well be coming to fruition? Well, that kind ofhappened:

Ugh, clean up on aisle "Huckabee."

But mostly they were MAD. Because last night it was A INSURRECTION. It was just like January 6, you know, if January 6 had been what liberals say it was, instead of a perfect expression of fascist white Jesus's divine will.

What happened to America last night, though, was LEAKER, and the real victim was the Supreme Court.

SCOTUSBlog kind of set the scene for it:

THE GRAVEST, MOST UNFORGIVABLE SIN! And Twitter immediately started making fun of and yelling at SCOTUSBlog.

Start your morning with this funny video clip of talking skidmark Ari Fleischer, explaining that "MAKE NO MISTAKE, SEAN, THIS IS AN INSURRECTION AGAINST THE SUPREME COURT."

Fleischer says the potential ruling doesn't bother him, that he "accepts and respects" it. (How very big of him!) But he is outraged, because he's "already seen people on the Left celebrating this leaker, calling him brave, trying to throw a Hail Mary, trying to stop the ruling from being issued." Will the partisan hacks on the Supreme Court even trust each other anymore if there is a leaker? Won't somebody think of their feelings?

And here is fellow talking skidmark Mike Huckabee saying this insurrection is way worse than "some guy from some state who got hot under the collar and went to DC and got overheated at a rally." It is "insurrection by someone who is paid for by the taxpayers!"

"If what happened on January 6 is an insurrection, this absolutely is an insurrection," said Huckabee, who seemed really emotional and like he should smile more.

Here's some shit from Sean Hannity. While on the phone with "Handmaid's Tale" commander GOP Senator Josh Hawley, Hannity bellyached that if this is the real decision, it will be "demagogued to death" and people will unfairly talk about back-alley abortions and coathangers. How very dare they!

Here is Huckabee saying he wishes this meant abortion was going away forever, but it won't go away forever. He says, multiple times, that it is liberals' "Big Lie" that overturning Roe will end abortion everywhere. It's just going away forever in certain states, he says, like his state of Arkansas.

Bless Mike Huckabee's heart, he thinks people in Arkansas won't have abortions anymore. What ignorant trash he is.

Shit really got fun after "Hannity" on "It's Scoff-Thirty, With Laura Ingraham!"

Here she is pretending liberals are misguided in thinking this ruling would outrage the American people. Gotta lie to the pigs and make 'em think they're the mainstream. Of course, the reality is that only 30 percent of Americans want Roe overturned. That's it. Fox News is not where America is on this.

She complained elsewhere in her program that protesters who showed up at the Supreme Court last night weren't mad about the leaker, but about what was in the leaked opinion. Can you imagine!

Here is Ingraham making some bizarre complaint that this leaker is telling America what the clown car of rightwing hacks known as the Supreme Court is doing, and WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE IS THAT FOR UKRAINE?

And finally, we don't know what the fuck this is, but it is three minutes of hilarity. It's the ridiculous poutrage of all last night's coverage, of a leaked opinion that says they won, all tied up in a rabid frothing bow.

Ingraham confirms with her panel that we're definitely going to find out who the leaker is. Beclowned loser Jonathan Turley says this is the "greatest crisis not just of [John Roberts's] career but of any modern chief justice." He says "God have mercy on that soul" about the leaker once they are found. He says it is the "worst type of attack you can launch against the integrity of the United States Supreme Court." (He must have forgotten all those Supreme Court seats Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell stole, which is why the Court's integrity was well and truly fucked long before last night.)

Toward the end of the clip, the other white man in the clip, some wingnut former prosecutor named James Trusty, expresses his hopes that the FBI isn't too "politicized" to investigate this. Then he and Ingraham have the most hilarious exchange of all. You ready?

TRUSTY: My alternative theory here, and this is very jaded, I admit, and it's ground zero here. But what if this person is treated as a heroic whistleblower by the Left? I mean, I think it's quite possible that this person is going to be front page of the newspapers, the big hero who tried to put the brakes on changes to Roe v. Wade, and there'll be great celebration and great rewriting of history about how this was such a necessary moment to stand up against evil. I could see all of that happening, which is thoroughly depressing if you care about the institution.

INGRAHAM: That's the end of the Court! That's the end. Yeah, that's the end of the Court. If that happens [...] if the leaker is celebrated ...

Oh how melodramatic! The very end of the Court, which was doing so well before this!

Again: The Court's legitimacy was lost when the GOP started literally stealing nominations from Democratic presidents to give to presidents installed by Russia. Not when this person took the (admittedly almost unprecedented!) step of leaking this draft opinion.

The other thing is, we really don't know what motivated the leaker. It might have been a liberal pulling the fire alarm. It might have been a conservative who's pissed off because they think one of the conservative justices who initially voted with Alito is wavering, perhaps not ready to sign on to such a ridiculous and un-lawyerly opinion. Somebody might be trying to preserve that fifth vote.

Hell, an evil conspiracy theory occurred to us last night wherein a servant of the Court's vilest conservatives leaked this as some weird combination of a red herring and a false flag, when the real plan is to do what Court watchers have assumed the entire time, which would be to functionally gut Roe and Casey without technically gutting Roe and Casey. (That seems to be what Roberts wants to do.) That way, the GOP would have its lying talking point that liberals were being hysterical Chicken Littles about the end of abortion access, while still decimating abortion access in the end.

If that happens, you heard it here first. Like we said, they sure did have that talking point fast.

It is only getting stupider and more horrible from here on out, folks, pace yourselves.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!

Wonkette is funded ENTIRELY by a few thousand people like you. If you're not already, would you pls consider being the few thousandth and one?

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc