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Fox News 'Magazine': Your Relationship Needs Plagiarized Children's Articles That Will Make Your Husband Beat You

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We have a sad. The kids at Fark noticed that the guys at Cracked noticed that there is some dumb floozy who is the new Fox News Magazine's "style and beauty editor," and not only is she a dumb floozy who thinks playing "pranks" on your husband will spice up your relationship (pranks like making him think you set up a webcam to watch him take a dump? SAD FACE), but also she plagiarized the whole thing from some children's website.


Why are we sad? Because this dumb floozy has a journalism job, while so many of you are forced to slave in the Wonkville story mines, where we charge you for AIR!

Here are just a few of the pranks Amber Milt stole from a children's website to get her husband to bone her:

Others include, well, all of the things below, in this excerpt from Cracked!

While I'm on the subject of Amber Milt's tragic shittiness, I Googled "poking a gummy worm into an apple." To me, the entire idea seemed to violate physics as we know them. I found this article: "7 Kid Pranks to Play on Random Victims." It has the exact same prank, and as you can imagine, the trick is to cut a hole in the apple first. That seems like a weird step to leave out from the woman who earlier gave us the tip on how it's easier to read objects when they exist in our field of vision.

Funny enough, the article that Amber also clearly Googled included other fun pranks like GLUING A COIN TO THE FLOOR, PUTTING TAPE OVER APPLIANCES TO RENDER THEM USELESS and DROPPING FOOD COLORING INTO DRINKS. So let me make this as clear as I can:

FoxNews.com's style and beauty editor Amber Milt found an article for children, stole it, and presented it to Fox News readers as erotic material.

And there you have it. Do head over and see Amber's handiwork before it's yanked. The comments are a peach!

[Cracked, via Fark]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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