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Fox News 'Magazine': Your Relationship Needs Plagiarized Children's Articles That Will Make Your Husband Beat You

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We have a sad. The kids at Fark noticed that the guys at Cracked noticed that there is some dumb floozy who is the new Fox News Magazine's "style and beauty editor," and not only is she a dumb floozy who thinks playing "pranks" on your husband will spice up your relationship (pranks like making him think you set up a webcam to watch him take a dump? SAD FACE), but also she plagiarized the whole thing from some children's website.


Why are we sad? Because this dumb floozy has a journalism job, while so many of you are forced to slave in the Wonkville story mines, where we charge you for AIR!

Here are just a few of the pranks Amber Milt stole from a children's website to get her husband to bone her:

Others include, well, all of the things below, in this excerpt from Cracked!

While I'm on the subject of Amber Milt's tragic shittiness, I Googled "poking a gummy worm into an apple." To me, the entire idea seemed to violate physics as we know them. I found this article: "7 Kid Pranks to Play on Random Victims." It has the exact same prank, and as you can imagine, the trick is to cut a hole in the apple first. That seems like a weird step to leave out from the woman who earlier gave us the tip on how it's easier to read objects when they exist in our field of vision.

Funny enough, the article that Amber also clearly Googled included other fun pranks like GLUING A COIN TO THE FLOOR, PUTTING TAPE OVER APPLIANCES TO RENDER THEM USELESS and DROPPING FOOD COLORING INTO DRINKS. So let me make this as clear as I can:

FoxNews.com's style and beauty editor Amber Milt found an article for children, stole it, and presented it to Fox News readers as erotic material.

And there you have it. Do head over and see Amber's handiwork before it's yanked. The comments are a peach!

[Cracked, via Fark]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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