Tough questions, if you are A Idiot


BREAKING "FOX & FRIENDS" UPDATE, EVERYONE! Have you heard about the new thing making waves during this election season? It is called "Internets" and it just came out today! And included free of charge on Internets is a new shiny doohickey called "The Facebook," where you can hit the Caps Lock key, bang some letters with your conservative meat fingers, and voila!, you have posted a hilarious picture of Hillary Clinton doing Benghazi with her emails. And now all your friends are LOLing and typing "GETABRAINMORAN!!!!111!" and "NOBUMMER11!!1111ELEVEN!!!1" and saying, "Share to send a million prayers to Kim Davis!"

Internets are the fun! But Internets are also CHALLENGING, so it's good that the human dildo sockets on the "Fox & Friends" program spent some time teaching their idiot viewers how to Internet Good, so they will look S-M-R-T when they are stickin' it to the liberals.

Steve Doocy leads off with, "Let's talk about the internet and your smartphone and stuff like this," which leads host Brian Kilmeade, the stupid rapey-looking one, to excitedly exclaim, "This is gonna be good, then!" Doocy replies, "It is! Because it's a smartphone, it's gonna be smart talk." And then all of our brain cells suffocated to death and we wanted to take a nap for the rest of the day, but if we did that, we wouldn't learn how to Internets Good!

The group introduces the concept of hilarious conservative memes, like we mentioned above, and Kilmeade says, "We want to tell you what to do if this pops up on YOUR feed, on YOUR Facebook, on YOUR Twitter, how do you handle it?"

This, specifically, is the hilarious meme they were referring to:

And indeed, what DO you do? Do you type "LMAO take that libruls"? Do you stick your fingers inside your butt and accidentally call Elisabeth Hasselbeck "Mommy, I mean Mrs. Kilmeade"? Do you throw your hands in the air and give up because all of this computers stuff is way too Kids These Days?

No! What you do, according to Fox, is follow the "Three F's":

Make sure your political posts are about facts, figures and funny. So at least check it that way. Are they factual? Do they have actual numbers? And are they funny?

This is obviously a lot for the couch to handle:

OK, so we know how to share things on the internet now. As long as you are for certain that Obama is invading Texas with ISIS, and you have numbers to back it up, you just type "LOL!" at the end, and you're good to go.

But what if somebody else posts a thing and you want to comment on it? Maybe you disagree with what they posted, because it's your communist gay nephew from France, and he's sharing memes that say "BONJOUR! SOCIALISM! BUTTSEX!"

Like this:

The Steve Doocy one says even though this is going to make you SO OMG MAD BRO, you can't "make it personal, because when you make it personal, it's no longer, you know, true, per se, it's an opinion!" So we guess you say something like, "I am to be disagreeing with your meme about French buttsex, good day!" instead of, for instance, this thing a deleted commenter said about yr Wonkette:

Evan Hurst,

You are a very very sick man. I am shocked beyond words at your unrestrained gutter language. What is the point you are trying to make if you have one? That point can be made without such uncouth, churlish, puerile, streetwise, idiotic rantings of a mad man that you are.

That is not true, and it is personal! Don't be like that dumbfuck deleted commenter from hell, not if you want to follow the Fox News Rules For Doing Internets.

Moreover, Kilmeade notes that if you type personal and stupid things, people will start "labeling" you (as a moron), adding that "it's a big circle of life." No, we do not know what the hell he meant by that, but it made us think of THIS meme:

Also, if you don't like something your gay French nephew posts, you can unfollow him, except Steve Doocy doesn't like that idea because it makes him think sad thoughts about breaking up with people, and finally everybody agrees the best thing to share on the internet is cat pictures, THE END.

[Salon]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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