Fox News Throwing New Tea Party For Michigan’s Operation Gridlock Idiots
Wednesday's “OperationGridlock" protests in Michigan endangered the lives of millions, presumably for the freedom of movement between vacation homes and the right to bear plant seeds. In the aftermath of so much stupidity, you need some stupid “analysis" to make zero sense of it all. Is there a Chris Cillizza in the house?
Let's see, genius: On the day of the protest, the reported number of COVID-19 cases in Michigan were 26,000 with 1,766 fatalities. Barely 24 hours later, on Thursday, the reported number had grown to 29,119, and 2,091 were dead. The almost 10 percent death rate is alarming. Florida, whose governor is Howdy Dooody, has 22,889 cases and only 632 deaths. Michigan has problems right now greater than a temporary ban on motorboat use.
Still, Chris Cillizza has questions:
Malachi Barrett, a reporter for MLive.com, described the scene as: "Half protest, half Trump rally."
So what caused all of this uproar?
He might've answered this question himself. The “half protest, half Trump rally" was organized by the far-right Michigan Conservative Coalition and the Betsy DeVos-backed Michigan Freedom Fund. You'll notice that DeVos and her 17 yachts were not present at the coronavirus Lollapalooza. I don't care for it when conservatives claim George Soros is the puppet master behind every protest movement they don't like, so we're not doing that here. I'm sure most of the people attending Wednesday's protest were generally frustrated, angry, and even afraid for their futures. But it's admittedly suspicious that almost everyone present blamed Gov. Gretchen Whitmer for their troubles. They covered Donald Trump's misogynistic classic “Lock Her Up!" while waving Trump/Pence rally signs.
But enough about Chris Cillizza, let's get to the Fox News Corona-Palooza!
We don't want to promote conspiracy theories, but it's a safe assumption that Laura Ingraham wouldn't tweet her support for “OperationGridlock" if she thought brothers from Detroit were descending on the capital.
Hey, let's take a quick trip in the Twittermobile back to the year 2014. What did freedom fighter Ingraham think about the Ferguson “protests"? Well actually, she didn't even consider them "protests." They were RIOTS, because people were breaking the law and that's just not done.
It is possible that Ingraham isn't racist, she's just strongly pro-shopping. Anything that stands in the way of consumerism is SELFISH, but spreading an infectious disease that could kill (mostly brown) people is how you spell SELFLESS. It's not like the Michigan protestors took a knee or anything really serious.
Fox News host Harris Faulkner couldn't decide whether to attack Whitmer as a tyrant or condemn her as your typical soft-on-crime liberal. The governor drove these innocent people to protest, but yet somehow also failed to put the smackdown on lawless protestors.
FAULKNER: "If [Whitmer] knew this was coming, this actually puts people in peril."
Huh? The governor should've come up with a “safe" method for these idiots to protest the stay-at-home order they were violating? If Whitmer could come up with ways to have public gatherings without spreading COVID all over, she should share those with Washington Gov. Jay Inslee so my play can finally go on.
By Thursday, Harris was back to praising the protestors as defenders of liberty. She aired a clip of Whitmer patiently explaining to these dummies that their protest was a threat to public safety.
WHITMER: I understand the frustration that people are feeling. I'm frustrated, too. None of us wants to be here in this moment, but we are.
Lord have mercy. She has to talk to people like they're in fifth grade and she's the school principal.
WHITMER: We know that this rally endangered people. This kind of activity will put more people at risk. And sadly, it will have to prolong the amount of time we have to be in [lockdown].
Great, now we've all got detention. Faulkner's guest on “Outnumbered Overtime" was former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who's normally the Dennis Miller of Shecky Greens, but this time Faulkner delivered the punch lines.
FAULKNER: Governor, this country was kind of founded on people who were willing to risk themselves for freedom, is that this is, or something else?
Ha! No, lady, it's something else. Dear God, are we going to wind up with another Tea Party, by which we mean a big-money-funded “movement" that the media will cover almost exclusively for the next five years?
HUCKABEE: No, that's what this is.
Jesus! You'll notice that Fox News never compared Black Lives Matter protestors to American revolutionaries. Huckabee, in fact, once claimed BLM's actions would “appall" Martin Luther King Jr., but they merely protested police violence. The shooting deaths of unarmed black people pale next to the “lunacy" of shopping restrictions during a pandemic.
Huckabee went so far as to quote Howard Beale from the movie, Network: “We're mad as hell and we're not gonna take it anymore." This rhetoric is not just offensively hypocritical. It's going to get people killed.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).