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Friend of Children Mark Foley Looking At Running For Office Again

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Guess who may run for mayor of West Palm Beach, Florida!Mark Foley is certain the voters would give him a chance. "I do have the luxury that I can be the last man to file if I choose to, and still have the name ID," he told a local newspaper. That does sound very luxurious! Mark Foley will announce his candidacy from a steamy hot tub full of only the finest chocolates and Taylor Lautner impersonators. Or that will probably be how he announces; we don't know for sure because he made his Twitter account private after we shared its beauty with the rest of the Internet. Sure, voters may be more likely to vote for an Al Qaeda candidate than Mark Foley. But he seems pretty sure they still like him despite everything.


Should he run, Foley, a Republican, could easily outspend the other opponents by using the $1 million he has left over in his congressional campaign funds.

But Foley said he would likely raise money from scratch if he declares, believing it would be unfair to use the congressional money for a mayoral run, even though federal law allows it.

Mark Foley doesn't need money! He will ask the electorate about their masturbation habits and if they play any sports at school, and they will be instantly smitten. [Palm Beach Post via Salon]

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Guess who's going on a field trip to Mother Russia next week? Which patriotic Americans will be celebrating Independence Day in Moscow with the traditional blinis and summer borscht? Whose PR team is about to have a really, really bad day?

Nice try, but it's not President Trump -- he's got his annual Moscow performance review later in July. (And anyway, his PR team is permanently located in the ninth circle of hell.) No, it's Senators John Kennedy (R-LA), Richard Shelby (R-AL), and John Hoeven (R-ND), who will be showing their love of the United States by decamping to Russia in the midst of an undeclared cyberwar. We shit you not!

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