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Future Iowa Senator Joni Ernst Will Arrest Entire Obama Administration, For Democracy

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Joni Ernst is the lovely and super charming state senator from Iowa who would like to be the real senator from Iowa. Likes include castrating pigs and warning about the Eeeevil Agenda 21 plot to seize your farms and make you live in, ugh, "Urban Centers." As if those were not reason enough to let her join the world's most exclusive club of decision makers, she will also arrest the entire federal government for you, America.


In response to an Iowa State Legislative Candidates survey in 2012, Porcine Ball Slicer Ernst answered this definitely not crazytown question in the affirmative (for you dumb-as-dirt Ernst fans out there, that means she said "yes"):

"Will you support legislation to nullify ObamaCare and authorize state and local law enforcement to arrest federal officials attempting to implement the unconstitutional health care scheme known as ObamaCare?"

We are not sure exactly how this is supposed to work. Maybe the local po-po will raid some call centers and round up all the people answering the phones to help people with questions like "Can I have the plan that allows me to death panel my grandma?" We'd ask Ernst, but we are pretty sure she doesn't know how legislation works either. In 2013, she introduced a personhood bill in the Iowa Senate, which as you probably already know because you are smarter than Ernst, would make it illegal to have an abortion, use certain types of birth control, or ejaculate into a gym sock because EVERY SPERM IS SACRED. Except that now Ernst is claiming that is totally not what she meant by that, and her Democratic opponent Sen. Bruce Braley is such a liar liar pants on fire for saying so.

“The amendment that is being referenced by the congressman would not do any of the things that you stated it would do," Ernst said. "That amendment is simply a statement that I support life.”

That's funny because when we did the Google and read Ernst's bill like the dirty liberal reading-stuff liberals we are, we discovered that nowhere in the text did it say THIS AMENDMENT IS SIMPLY A STATEMENT THAT I SUPPORT LIFE. It did, however, say "The inalienable right to life of every person at every stage of development shall be recognized and protected." That's fetus fetishist talk for "You cannot even think about abortion."

But since Ernst didn't understand her own bill, we're going to give her the benefit of the doubt by assuming she didn't understand the survey question either. When she said yes, she would definitely make it a law to arrest all the feds who dared to do Obamacare to anyone, she probably just meant she was making a simple statement that she supports arresting all the feds who would dare to do Obamacare to anyone. Totally reasonable. For a whackjob.

[TPM/HuffPo]

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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