Gay-Hating Oregon Cake Bakers: Satan Cancelled Our GoFundMe! (No, Not Kidding)

So, these fuckers, you might remember them. Aaron and Melissa Klein had a business in Gresham, Oregon, called "Sweet Cakes By Melissa," which was a purveyor of sweet cakes, obviously, and is definitely not a veiled reference to Melissa's piping hot rack. And of course, they have Beliefs. Very, very important Christian beliefs, the kind which are Sincerely Held, and are centered around hating gays. So, same old story, a gay couple wanted a cake for their wedding, gross bigots refused to bake cake, etc. Complaints were filed with Oregon's Bureau of Labor and Industries (BOLI), and after a couple of years of litigation, they ruled last week that the Kleins were GUILTY AS CHARGED under Oregon's nondiscrimination laws:

In a statement Friday, BOLI said: "The facts of this case clearly demonstrate that the Kleins unlawfully discriminated against the Complainants. Under Oregon law, businesses cannot discriminate or refuse service based on sexual orientation, just as they cannot turn customers away because of race, sex, disability, age or religion. Our agency is committed to fair and thorough enforcement of Oregon civil rights laws, including the Equality Act of 2007."

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Okay, so the law is pretty clear, and it applies to everyone equally, are we done here? Of course not. The state decided that the Kleins should have to pay a fine of $135,000 -- 75K to the lesbian what was shopping for the cake and did not get to have cake, and another 60K for her wife, who was presumably on a non-cake gay agenda mission that day -- as penance for their crimes. That number is not final, by the way. It could go up to $150,000, which is what the prosecutors want, or it could end up lower. Regardless, the Kleins got a GoFundMe, because that is what happens when you are a gay-hatingwingnut (or a black-hating wingnut, whatever), and you openly discriminate against people in Obama's America. You cry and bitch, in a very public way, and then mouthbreathers from around the country worship you as a martyr and give you their money. And their GoFundMe was doing pretty well! In just four hours, they had almost $37,000 whore moneys!

But by the time they had "earned" $109,000, dark lord Satan decided to intervene, by cancelling their GoFundMe! Trickster Devil that he is, apparently Satan had previously written into the GoFundMe rules that raising money to pay for actual violations of the law is Not Allowed. GoFundMe said, specifically, that "the subjects of the 'Support Sweet Cakes By Melissa' campaign have been formally charged by local authorities and found to be in violation of Oregon state law concerning discriminatory acts. Accordingly, the campaign has been disabled." The company also said that this was different from the GoFundMe for the Deliverance extras who own Memories Pizza in Indiana, because those people didn't actually break any laws, but merely said they didn't want to make pizza for faggot weddings, in the abstract. Details!

So, GoFundMe's regulations seem, um, reasonable? But Melissa Klein is pretty damn sure that Satan is behind the whole thing, posting the following on FaceSpace:

(Melissa Klein is A Idiot, by the way. The GoFundMe statement also says they get to keep all the Bigot Bucks they raised before Satan broke into the GoFundMe offices and put a stop to things.)

So, that is where things stand, but can Wonkette do a contrarian Slate-pitch at you for just a sec? This won't take long, we promise. We definitely think that these laws, which protect LGBT people from discrimination, are right and correct and holy and wise. But $135,000 seems like A LOT OF FUCKING FINE for refusing to bake a cake. The wingnuts who are setting up these GoFundMe's want to be martyrs SO BAD, and they want to push a narrative that says that they are being persecuted, and that the gays, lesbians, Bruce Jenners and Bisexicans of the world are trying to murder them for their faith, and it's all, of course, cockamamie bullshit, but $135,000??? Why don't you just hand them their martyrdom trophy on a silver platter, Oregon? These laws need to exist, and they need to be enforced, because wingnuts need to get their little pea-heads around the idea that gays and lesbians should be treated equally, in every state. But when the laws are enforced, it should be a Teachable Moment, rather than a Career-Ending Disaster. And without GoFundMe, that could have happened for the Kleins.

Clearly, they are assholes, and they are also $109,000 buckaroos richer, just because they boldly refused to put some fancy-ass flowers on a bakery item for a lesbian, because Jesus Of Nazareth died for them, or whatever it is they believe. So fuck them, with their own cake frosting gun.

But $135,000? Really??? Tell us why you wrongly think we are wrong, and why that is the exact fine they should pay, in the comments, which are still not allowed.

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[The Oregonian viaThe New Civil Rights Movement]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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