Hey, did you hear the one about the White House chief of staff who lied about a speech a member of Congress gave at the dedication of an FBI building, just to smear her as punishment for confirming that his boss, the president, is a heartless twit who can't even call a grieving military widow without twisting the knife and making her pain worse? And then video of that congresswoman's speech surfaced, and it confirmed that the White House chief of staff was lying? It's a real kneeslapper of a story.

So did General John Kelly apologize, now that the video is out and LITERALLY EVERYONE WITH EYES AND EARS can see that Rep. Frederica Wilson did not say the thing he said she said? (Watch for yourself! It's a lovely speech.) Did he say, "Doy doy doy doy doy! Four-star general? More like FOUR-STAR DOOFUS"? Did he take back what he said about how Wilson made that speech ALL ABOUT HER, even though anybody who's smarter than a 5th grade Trump supporter can watch the video for themselves and see what bullshit that is?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, no. Get a load of this fact-free White House bullshit:

“Gen. Kelly said he was ‘stunned’ that Rep. Wilson made comments at a building dedication honoring slain FBI agents about her own actions in Congress, including lobbying former President Obama on legislation,” Sanders said in a statement.

Not what he said.

“As Gen. Kelly pointed out, if you’re able to make a sacred act like honoring American heroes about yourself, you’re an empty barrel.”

Eat shit, asshole. Did you see the video link we posted above? Shall we post it again, just to remind you that YOU have the power to decide who is saying fake news here, by watching it for yourself?

In Friday's press briefing, Sarah Huckabee Sanders came out and doubled down EVEN MORE. She stood by the White House's fake news belief that John Kelly's lies are true (they're not) and said it was "highly inappropriate" for us to "get into a debate with a four-star general." These motherfuckers in the White House do not seem to understand that Kelly is not the boss of us just because he was a general. They also do not seem to understand that actually we the American people are the boss of him. They also do not seem to understand that OH GO FUCK YOURSELVES, JOHN KELLY AND SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS.

Not including a video, because it's Friday and we don't want Shuckles stinking up our pristine and beautiful Wonkette. This screengrab should give you the gist:

Sarah Huckabee Sanders's other excuse for John Kelly's naughty lie-mouthing was that Frederica Wilson "also had quite a few comments that day that weren’t part of that speech and weren’t part of that video that were also witnessed by many people that were there,” so now they've moved the goalposts from "She made the speech all about her" to "John Kelly heard Tammy telling Heather that David and Tiffany were totally fucking under the bleachers and while they were under there, Frederica Wilson did Benghazi."

Jesus Christ, these fucking tools.

We're going to close this post with a video of OUR NEW FAVORITE Rep. Frederica Wilson talking to local media about this stupid controversy. About John Kelly going after her, she says, "A dog can bark at the moon all night long. But it doesn't become an issue until the moon barks back!" She also LOLed about what a tizzy the White House is having right now:

You mean to tell me that I have become so important that the White House is following me and my words? This is amazing. It's amazing. That is absolutely phenomenal. I'll have to tell my kids that I'm a rock star now!

Hahahahahahahaha she is delightful.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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