Oh Look It's The 'Paul Is Dead' George Floyd Conspiracy Theory :(

A no-chance Republican congressional candidate in Missouri would like America to calm down and stop it with the protests against police brutality, because you see George Floyd wasn't actually murdered by a Minneapolis cop kneeling on his neck. Nope, according to Dr. Winnie Heartstrong, Floyd actually died in 2016, which means the cellphone video showing Floyd's killing is nothing but a computer simulation! Doesn't everyone feel a little silly about all that unnecessary fuss, now?

Heartstrong, who's running against William Lacy Clay, the Democrat who since 2001 has consistently won his St Louis-based district by upwards of 70 percent of the vote, has even published a very professional looking scientific "report" of her "findings," cobbled together out of random facts, internet truther conspiracy theories, and pure speculation, all held together with a lot of Occam's Duct Tape.

Heartstrong's "report" has all sorts of lovely flourishes, right down to the obligatory invocation of the Constitution of the United States of America (please stand and place your hand over your heart):

Today, on June 14, 2020, on behalf of "WE THE PEOPLE," I present evidence that suggests that Mr. Jackson and other actors participated in a videographic false flag event using deepfake technology to stoke racial tensions between black and white Americans which reinvigorated the flailing radical Black Lives Matter movement.

You may be seated.

The central contention, that George Floyd really died in 2016, comes from a now-deleted Facebook post that Heartstrong assures us is "a reliable source." The author claims to have played college football against Floyd in the 1990s, and then to have become his attorney and guardian ad litem shortly before Real Floyd's death in Corpus Christie, Texas, and subsequent burial in a potter's field. (For good measure, the guy also claims he's seen "vacant tents set up around the hospitals for the sick that never came," so you know he's in on the real truth.)

Why is this such a credible account? Well, it's "written testimony of his client-attorney relationship with George Floyd," so that's pretty solid! More impressive, though, is the observation that the video of George Floyd's arrest can't possibly be Floyd, because the man in the video doesn't have a tattoo on his chest like the real Floyd had. The report explains, "The real George Floyd's tattoo is visible in a video of him on a pornography website." You know, from George Floyd's porn career that none of us knew about. The works cited list includes this source: "Pororgraphy video of the real George Floyd," so you know Heartstrong did her research.

Still more crowdsourced "evidence," consisting of someone drawing a red circle on a video screenshot, indicates that the makers of the fake video were too lazy to have put an actor on a gurney, so instead they put a legless mannequin in an ambulance.

Heartstrong cites "YouTube video of George Floyd without legs" as her source, and offers this astute analysis:

It would have been impossible for Floyd to suddenly lose his legs during the arrest altercation. The discrepancy in the absence of legs can be explained by the probable use of a mannequin during a certain portion of the arrest video production.

She doesn't explain why an elaborate plot to stir civil unrest would go to the trouble of using a mannequin instead of just having their fake George Floyd stand-in lie on the gurney. Maybe a clever production assistant did it to tip off truth seekers!

But sure enough, the report shows a social-media photo of an African-American male medical training dummy, which has no legs!

Just to add to the intrigue, 7-Sigma, the Minneapolis-based company that made the dummies "has confirmed that they will leave Minneapolis after their facility was burned down during city riots"!!!!!!!! (Factcheck true!!!!) The report calls on the CEO to be questioned about his involvement with making the fake video. Bit of a problem for this theory: Not only does the pictured dummy have no legs, it also has no abdomen below the chestical area, because it's used to train clinicians on how to insert breathing tubes for patients:

7-Sigma Simulation Systems - Modular Airway Traineryoutu.be

My God. George Floyd keeps disappearing more and more as we go along! And what about his white twin, who nobody wants to talk about, huh?

The expert report also raises this skeptical note about the validity of the autopsy, pointing out that whatever cause of death the medical examiner released, "It is possible that a different corpse was presented for this autopsy since the real George Floyd died in 2016." That's some pretty sharp thinking. We bet the M.E. would have made a note if the body were four years in the grave.

We're told it's impossible for George Floyd to have lived at the rental property that was his last known address, because that particular address is listed in the landlord's name on property records, not Floyd's. Yes, really, that's supposed to be a telling "discrepancy."

The report goes on to add that there's no evidence at all that George Floyd ever left Texas for Minnesota. Citation: "With a $2 subscription to Spyfly, public records can be searched and viewed by anyone." The report doesn't bother dismissing friends and coworkers who knew Floyd in the Twin Cities, because duh, of course they're either lying, or were entirely made up by the media.

But wait! The evidence keeps coming! How do we know the video of George Floyd's murder was a computer-generated deepfake, and not genuine? Here are some images of George Floyd and of NBA star Stephen Jesse Jackson, who told the media he was an old friend of Floyd's and even called himself Floyd's "twin"! Jackson obviously pretended to be Floyd in the fake video, and if a bunch of red and green lines on photos don't prove everything you know is a lie, then you are clearly beyond help, you science denier.

The report also found a Forbes article about deepfake video technology that JUST SO HAPPENS to have been published on May 25, 2020, the very day George Floyd was killed in Milwaukee. I mean, it's so OBVIOUS, but the report bravely spells out the inescapable logic, because everything is stuck together with krazy glue.

Based on the timing of this article which coincides with the alleged date of Floyd's death, Stephen Jackson needs to be questioned about his role in the deepfake video released on May 25, 2020.

No, the name "Darnella Frazier" — the teen who recorded the video — appears nowhere in the report, because she too must be a crisis actor. Derek Chauvin, the cop charged in Floyd's murder, is also supposedly a computer simulation, probably played by "actor and comedian Benjamin Ray Bailey who features in Cash Cab."

Most telling of all, maybe, is that The Schemers trotted out a woman who's supposed to have been Floyd's second-grade teacher, one Waynel Sexton, whose name, if you delete some letters, is actually aYNEL sEX, indicating that a conspiracy of preverts is behind all this. Everyone knows that junior high school dirty name jokes have a deep political significance, and you can trust me on this, since my name sounds like "Farty Smelly," indicating I am secretly a gastroenterologist.

How's this for convincing?

Sexton was interviewed by other media outlets where she repeated the same story, yet no one bothered to research her claims of being a school teacher or whether she is even a real person. A search into public records reveals that there is no one named Waynel Sexton and there is no evidence that this person taught grade school anywhere.

Also too, she is apparently a famous crisis actor because she looks a bit like other women with her general build, and she did the Pulse Nightclub hoax, the Las Vegas massacre hoax, and maybe had something to do with the cancellation of "She's The Sheriff." She just might be the key to EVERYTHING!

In conclusion, please Mr. Trump find out the truth and put the perpetrators of this hoax in jail, sincerely, Lady Running for Congress who hopes to make it big in the conspiracy grift circuit.

[Independent / Minneapolis-St Paul Business Journal / WCCO-TV / Forbes / "George Floyd Is Dead" report (PDF)]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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