George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day

George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day

Well well well, look who else is hoppin' aboard the "Do You Know Who I Am?" Express! First it was Sarah Palin, and now it's Neighborhood Watch aspirant George Zimmerman. What do you s'pose Georgy Porgy is up to these days? Guarding more gun stores? Tweeting out Anne Frank quotes? Trying and failing to muzzle the free press? Nope, none of those things! Instead, Zimmerman is asking "Do you know who I am?" in connection to a road rage incident that was reported to 911. Josh 'n the Gang at TPM have the deets.

Police in Lake Mary, Fla. said they received a 911 call Tuesday from a man who alleged George Zimmerman threatened to kill him during a road rage incident.

Police told Orlando TV station WESH that the unidentified man called police after a driver in a gold Honda Ridgeline, who he believed to be Zimmerman, started yelling at him at a stop light.

"Why are you pointing your finger at me? I (expletive) kill you. Do you know who I am?" the driver allegedly said, as quoted by WESH.

You do NOT point your finger at George Zimmerman, is that understood? If you point your finger at George Zimmerman, he's gonna feel scurred, and then he's gonna have to stand his ground, and the State of Florida has already said they're pretty much cool with George standing his ground like a latter-day Leonidas. George Zimmerman goes HAM when you point your finger at him, and all the rest of y'all bitches been put on notice, ya heard?

BUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? you ask, as you slurp down the final post-lunch coffee of the work week. Did George Zimmerman follow the man who called 911, like he may or may not have followed a certain young man whose name escapes us at the moment? Turns out the answer is: maybe!

Police caught up with Zimmerman Wednesday, after the same man called to say that he was being followed, according to WESH. The news station reported that Zimmerman told police he was in the area for a doctor's appointment.

Doctor's appointments -- what can't they get you out of? Flunked your college stats class because you were getting laid instead of taking a midterm? DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT. Stayed up all night binge-watching "House of Cards" before a big client meeting the next morning? SORRY, BOSS, GOTTA GO TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE. Threatened to kill a man for having the temerity to point at you in traffic? NO SIR, OFFICER, I'M JUST HERE FOR A PROSTATE EXAM.

Once, we used to think we had to come up with new and interesting reasons why Florida is the worst, but from here on out, we think we can just leave it at "George Zimmerman."


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