Georgia Republicans Sneak In Some Gay-Bashing While Lone Democrat Takes A Leak
The Georgia GOP has pulled the old switcheroo, by advancing a discriminatory bill while the only dissenting member was taking a tinkle.
Taking a break from their usual routine of burning textbooks and telling poor kids to suck it, the Georgia Senate is considering a bill that would make it legal for people to discriminate willy (heh) nilly so long as the discriminators hold sincerely held religious beliefs, and blah blah blah, you've heard all this before. Queers suck, bakers are now sacred, and everyone should have the right to be as much of a prick as they want to be. GOP 2016!
The bill was being held up in the Senate Judiciary Committee by the group's lone Democrat, state Sen. Vincent Fort, who had managed to delay the thing last week using only the power of freedom-hate and the sympathetic Republican Senate Majority Leader Bill Cowsert, who it turns out is not entirely anti-gay. Cowsert had earlier proposed an amendment to the bill that would make it explicit that it couldn't be used to discriminate. Republicans wanted none of that because the discrimination was the only sexy part of the bill, so they twisted the Majority Leader's arm until he silently pulled the amendment. State Sen. Fort responded by just tabling the thing for another day so he could get time to drum up more support. A Democrat following proper legislative procedure? NOT IN GEORGIA!
The Republicans knew they couldn't win this fight fairly so long as Fort had that damn "rule of law" trump card, so the rest of the committee members decided it was time to pull a Jamm and just sneak the bill past Fort's notice. Sources could not confirm if they first dressed it up in a trench coat and Groucho glasses.
On Monday, after deliberating for several hours (and presumably after the GOP stuck Fort's hand in a bowl of water the night before), the Democrat asked if they could break proceedings so he could skip daintily to the little girl's room and take a tinkle. Before the senator had even unzipped, the Republican committee members yanked the bill off the table and voted on it immediately. Staffers tried to grab other Democrats before the vote took place, but the Republicans were so hopped up on sweet tea, they blazed through the vote with lightning speed.
The bill will now advance to the Senate floor, where even the Atlanta Journal Constitution admits it only has about a 37 percent chance of passing, which is bad news for all the tens of oppressed bakers and florists who occupy the liberal socialist hellscape known as Georgia. At least Republicans can sleep soundly tonight, knowing that when they finally wrench our nation free from the silk-gloved grip of the gay gestapo, their grandchildren will one day ask them "Grandpa, how did you save America and make freedom free for the rest of freedom?" They can honestly answer, "By cheating, sweetheart. By cheating."