Our crackpot dictator is at it again, demanding that we cancel elections so he can just tell us who won.

Spoiler Alert: It was him.

And also, apparently, the winners are already Senators David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler, who are headed for runoffs in their respective Senate races against Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock on Jan. 5. Perdue failed to hit the required 50 percent threshold, and Loeffler only got 26 percent of the vote in the jungle primary, but clearly "We will all WIN!" That's just Trump Math.

Have we mentioned that Georgia's Republican Gov. Brian Kemp can't do shit about the fact that his constituents didn't vote for Trump? And have have we mentioned that we love it when they fight? Yes, and yes.

We feel compelled to point out again that the signatures were already matched TWICE against records on file with the county registrar — once when the voter requested the absentee ballot, and once when she returned it to cast her vote. There can't be a third check because we have a secret ballot in US America, and the vote gets separated from the identifying envelope, so there's no way to put those two pieces of paper back together even if Trump could get a squad of ratfuckers in there to contest every signature from someone whose last name is Washington, Garcia, or Goldberg.

Meanwhile, Republicans in Georgia are shouting along with Trump that the state's electoral system is hopelessly rigged, while simultaneously trying to get their own voters to the polls. Like Trump, they're not sure exactly how it was rigged. Could be those wily rascals at Dominion using the Hugo Chavez algorithm with the connivance of Brian Kemp and Brad Raffensperger. Or maybe it was Democrats registering out of state voters. Maybe it was that weird metal obelisk thing that keeps turning up everywhere and probably contains the DNC's lost server.

Anyway! The point is, "You can't trust the vote!" is perhaps an ineffective GOTV slogan, and the state's Republicans are worried. The New York Times reports that they're getting pretty queasy about Trump coming down to campaign for Loeffler and Perdue.

After resisting entreaties to appear in Georgia, the president plans to travel there this weekend, though even some of his own aides remain uncertain whether his anger toward state officials will overshadow any support he may lend the party's two candidates.

"You can't say the system is rigged but elect these two senators," said Eric Johnson, a campaign adviser to Kelly Loeffler, one of the G.O.P. Senate candidates, and a former Republican leader of the Georgia Senate. "At some point he either drops it or he says I want everybody to vote and get their friends to vote so that the margins are so large that they can't steal it."

Oh, it would be a damn shame if Trump spent an hour screaming about Georgia's elections being totally fixed while giving oxygen to wackass attorneys Lin Wood and Sidney Powell's claims about Kemp and Raffensperger.

Yes, yes. Kick the shit out of each other and demoralize your own electorate. Carry on, good sirs!


Follow Liz Dye on Twitter RIGHT HERE!

Please click here to support your Wonkette. And if you're ordering your quarantine goods on Amazon, this is the link to do it.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc