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Get Excited! Larry Klayman Will Now Sue CNN And Then Become Gandhi And Lead America To Freedom Or Something

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Fresh off his ridiculous unexpected but sadly deserved glorious defeat of the gubmint reading your sexts, one would have thought that Larry Klayman's victory lap would at least be somewhat coherent. One would be oh so very wrong, of course, because when it comes to Larry Klayman, all bets are on him reverting to his true weird form.


Klayman went on CNN Tuesday to discuss his big win, as you do when your lawyerin' succeeds, with Don Lemon and CNN's ubiquitous legal analyst Jeff Toobin. So far so good. Klayman, of course, can never leave well enough alone, because of how he can't stop perseverating about the evils of the Kenyan Muslin president, so rather than talking about the NSA case like a normal person, he spent most of the time attacking Don Lemon as a super-left-winger. Wait what?

“It’s important to note that you’re a big supporter of [President Barack] Obama,” Klayman told Lemon. “You have favored him in every respect. You have to try to do a hit piece to diminish a very important decision.” [...] “It is true, Don. I’ve watched you for many years,” Klayman said. “You’re an ultra-leftist and you’re a big supporter of Obama.”

Klayman also had a sad because Jeffery Toobin had the goddamn gall to read from the legal opinion itself, including our favorite portion, the ever so-delightful page 39:

Toobin read from p. 39 of Leon’s ruling, which quoted Klayman as saying, “I think they, the NSA, are messing with me.” The judge wrote that Klayman “then went on to explain that he and his clients had received inexplicable test messages and emails, not to mention a disc, containing a spyware program.”

The legal analyst said that even the judge who granted the suit thinks that Klayman is a victim of “tin-foil hat paranoia” and a “lunatic.”

“He had some fantasy that the NSA was after him,” said Toobin. “This case is not about Larry Klayman. It’s about the metadata program that affects everybody, but the idea that Larry Klayman is the representative is simply outrageous.”

If you were a normal person, this might make you mad, yes indeed! Jeffrey Toobin, who is one of only three legal analysts anyone can name (Dahlia Lithwick, Nina Totenberg, duh) basically called you out on national teevee and pointed out that while you won for America, you kind of lost for you, Larry Klayman, because of how the judge basically thinks you're not in your right mind. But since Larry Klayman is Larry Klayman, he does not just get mad. He goes full barmy.

Klayman said [...] he is considering filing a lawsuit against the news network CNN after an embarrassing interview with anchor Don Lemon and legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin earlier this week. [...]

“What CNN did to me yesterday was a hit piece orchestrated against me by the Obama White House with the direct involvement of the Democratic National Committee in an attempt to discredit me and to turn the public against Judge Leon’s court decision that the NSA is violating Fourth Amendment rights.”

He then went on to accuse Toobin of not reading the opinion that Toobin actually read, to him, Larry Klayman, on the teevee the day before. And he's maybe going to sue Toobin for defamation. Also, too, Don Lemon is a tool of the DNC and must be stopped. There might have been something in there about Bill Clinton too. We're not sure.

But why stop there, Larry Klayman? Can you scale new heights of argle? Can you up your bargle? Can you take your message to the sympathetic arms of Alex Jones? Awww hell yeah.

“Obama’s a socialist, a borderline communist, he’s sympathetic to Muslim interests, he does everything he can to destroy Israel and frankly we have somebody in the White House who is evil, plain and simple,” Klayman told Jones, before arguing that since the Republicans are not an effective opposition, he himself will lead an anti-Obama revolution.

“If Gandhi can do it in India, we can do it here,” he promised.

America, sometimes you do not get the Gandhi you want because you get the Gandhi you deserve, but we have no idea what we've done that's awful enough to warrant the fact that our savior that will lead us out of darkness is Larry Klayman.

[Scans piece for anything that Larry Klayman will consider libelous, realizes there's no way to ever figure out how that calculus works, gives up and goes home.]

[Raw Story/Right Wing Watch]

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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