Get Your Mommy-Son Hot Middle Ages Fantasy Date Night Action On At Chick-fil-A
Hey Wonknesians who happen to be boys or ladies who happen to have boy children (do not yell at us about gender constructs because this whole event was not our idea), have you been feeling like your mother-son relationship lacks closeness? Lacks warmth? Lacksmedieval-themed chicken dinner nights?
Chick-fil-A’s Ballston mall and Crystal City locations, along with the chain’s 49 other D.C. area restaurants, are hosting a “Date Knight” for mothers and sons from 4:30 to 8:30 p.m. on Monday, May 6.
“During this special medieval-themed evening, moms and their sons are encouraged to spend some time together while they enjoy dinner, great conversation and several special activities,” the company said in a press release. “Every Mother-Son pair will also receive a place mat with fun questions and topics to get the conversation started, and a take-home booklet that provides ideas for future dates and questions that both moms and their sons can ask each other.”
Sorry, folks who don't live in our nation's capitol! You do not get to bond with your offspring or your mother over spicy chicken. Sorry, daughters! You do not get to bond with your fathers over spicy chicken!
Perhaps Chick-fil-A will be checking IDs during this event to make sure you are really mother and son? Maybe they will check your birth certificates to make sure you are actually related and are not muslin terrorist Kenyan pretenders? Perhaps college dudes hungry for chicken and lady-bonding could just find a cougar-type lady and pretend she is your mommy? Role play can be fun!
We are not certain what you should do if you are a homosexxxican type of mommy or child, given Chick-fil-A's awesome track record on teh gheys. We are also not certain what the hell a medieval-themed night in a fast-food restaurant would include, but we hope there is jousting and boiling people in oil. We ARE certain, however, that calling going out with your parent or child a "date" is skeevy, so probably everybody should just stay home, not just the gays.