Gjo Fjuck Yoursjelf, Kirstjen Nielsen

DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen's week is going so great, she's earned herself one of Wonkette's prize-winning GO FUCK YOURSELFS! (Prize awarded to Wonkette by Wonkette.)

At a National Security Forum event on Thursday, GOP Rep. Mike McCaul asked Nielsen about Russian hacking, since protecting our elections is kinda DHS's job. And she had some things to say!

The question I get asked all the time is, 'Are the Russians trying to hack today?' That's not the right question.

Yes it fucking is, especially when you consider the president for whom Nielsen works, and how he got "elected."

In my mind, the question is, 'Do they have the capability?' And the answer to that is, absolutely, yes.

No shit, Sherlock.

McCaul helpfully tried to put words in Nielsen's mouth, asserting that he thinks "their goal is not picking sides. It's just sowing the seeds of chaos." And did Nielsen correct Stupidfuck Jones, the congressman from Texas? The fuck you say!

Oh, it's chaos. Absolutely! [...] We saw them encouraging protests on one side and encouraging protests on the other side at the same event. It's not so much — exactly as you say — about taking sides. They are just trying to sow mistrust, you know, so that Americans aren't sure what information is real. And then chaos and, frankly, incitement to violence in some cases as we saw with the protests.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, go fuck yourself!

Because what Nielsen is doing here is WILLFULLY IGNORING the part about how every single one of our intelligence agencies agrees that Russia did indeed pick sides in the 2016 election, and the side it picked was HER BOSS. The Senate Intelligence Committee, which is controlled by the GOP, recently affirmed the IC's assessment that Russia for sure was trying to help Donald Trump. BUT KIRSTJEN NIELSEN CAN'T SAY IT.

Instead, she's relying on one little tiny part of the Russian conspiracy, the part where Russian troll farms were making Twitter bots and Facebook ads and groups, and indeed were trying to sow general chaos. Of course, she's forgetting the part about how according to Robert Mueller's indictments, parts of that campaign were specifically aimed at tearing Hillary Clinton down and supporting Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders. She's ALSO forgetting the part about how we know with 100 percent certainty that Vladimir Putin despises Hillary Clinton, and that he personally ordered the hacking operation, which was was most certainly intended to swing the election for Donald Trump.

We gave Nielsen a pass last time, when she claimed she was ignorant of the US intelligence community's assessment of Russian interference in the 2016 election. "Oh she's just paying lip service to President Twat Goblet because he's watching her on TV, and also he verbally abuses her all the time, so she's just keeping the peace," we thought while we rolled our eyes. But is the president watching some fucking C-SPAN event that doesn't even have Sean Hannity throwing jizz starbursts at him through the TV screen? No, he is not.

And of course, this is all happening during Nielsen's Big Week Of Shame, as she has told LIE after LIE after LIE about the Trump "fuck Hispanic families" policy she worked to implement, saying it wasn't even a policy, saying vicious bullshit about "alien children," having zero fucking idea where the migrant girls the Trump administration has been stealing are being held, and just generally being a total dick.

Oh, and now we are hearing Kirstjen Nielsen is extremely active in that creep-ass wingnut White House Bible study, for wingnut creep-asses, the one where they teach that you have to beat children and the leader brags that he'll teach Jeff Sessions something about how Jesus hates brown babies, and mere hours later, Jeff Sessions will go on TV and rip brown babies out of their mothers' arms. That's the kind of company this woman keeps?

We hope Kirstjen Nielsen never gets to eat tacos in public again, and moreover that all the 'J's on every keyboard she owns break so she can't even type her name good.

Fuckin' asshole.

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[h/t RawStory]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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