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DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen's week is going so great, she's earned herself one of Wonkette's prize-winning GO FUCK YOURSELFS! (Prize awarded to Wonkette by Wonkette.)



At a National Security Forum event on Thursday, GOP Rep. Mike McCaul asked Nielsen about Russian hacking, since protecting our elections is kinda DHS's job. And she had some things to say!

The question I get asked all the time is, 'Are the Russians trying to hack today?' That's not the right question.

Yes it fucking is, especially when you consider the president for whom Nielsen works, and how he got "elected."

In my mind, the question is, 'Do they have the capability?' And the answer to that is, absolutely, yes.

No shit, Sherlock.

McCaul helpfully tried to put words in Nielsen's mouth, asserting that he thinks "their goal is not picking sides. It's just sowing the seeds of chaos." And did Nielsen correct Stupidfuck Jones, the congressman from Texas? The fuck you say!

Oh, it's chaos. Absolutely! [...] We saw them encouraging protests on one side and encouraging protests on the other side at the same event. It's not so much — exactly as you say — about taking sides. They are just trying to sow mistrust, you know, so that Americans aren't sure what information is real. And then chaos and, frankly, incitement to violence in some cases as we saw with the protests.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, go fuck yourself!

Because what Nielsen is doing here is WILLFULLY IGNORING the part about how every single one of our intelligence agencies agrees that Russia did indeed pick sides in the 2016 election, and the side it picked was HER BOSS. The Senate Intelligence Committee, which is controlled by the GOP, recently affirmed the IC's assessment that Russia for sure was trying to help Donald Trump. BUT KIRSTJEN NIELSEN CAN'T SAY IT.

Instead, she's relying on one little tiny part of the Russian conspiracy, the part where Russian troll farms were making Twitter bots and Facebook ads and groups, and indeed were trying to sow general chaos. Of course, she's forgetting the part about how according to Robert Mueller's indictments, parts of that campaign were specifically aimed at tearing Hillary Clinton down and supporting Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders. She's ALSO forgetting the part about how we know with 100 percent certainty that Vladimir Putin despises Hillary Clinton, and that he personally ordered the hacking operation, which was was most certainly intended to swing the election for Donald Trump.

We gave Nielsen a pass last time, when she claimed she was ignorant of the US intelligence community's assessment of Russian interference in the 2016 election. "Oh she's just paying lip service to President Twat Goblet because he's watching her on TV, and also he verbally abuses her all the time, so she's just keeping the peace," we thought while we rolled our eyes. But is the president watching some fucking C-SPAN event that doesn't even have Sean Hannity throwing jizz starbursts at him through the TV screen? No, he is not.

And of course, this is all happening during Nielsen's Big Week Of Shame, as she has told LIE after LIE after LIE about the Trump "fuck Hispanic families" policy she worked to implement, saying it wasn't even a policy, saying vicious bullshit about "alien children," having zero fucking idea where the migrant girls the Trump administration has been stealing are being held, and just generally being a total dick.

Oh, and now we are hearing Kirstjen Nielsen is extremely active in that creep-ass wingnut White House Bible study, for wingnut creep-asses, the one where they teach that you have to beat children and the leader brags that he'll teach Jeff Sessions something about how Jesus hates brown babies, and mere hours later, Jeff Sessions will go on TV and rip brown babies out of their mothers' arms. That's the kind of company this woman keeps?

We hope Kirstjen Nielsen never gets to eat tacos in public again, and moreover that all the 'J's on every keyboard she owns break so she can't even type her name good.

Fuckin' asshole.

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[h/t RawStory]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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