Hey there, Glenn Beck! Thanks for being a regular feature on Wonkette this week, you beady-eyed cocksucker. You’ve really brought the crazy and the stupid and the crazy-stupid these last few days, for which we commend you.

Your latest, this terrible sketch in which one of your minions mocked studies that indicate a widespread sexual assault problem against women on our nation’s college campuses, was already such a masterpiece, there was really no need for you to double down on it. But that’s what’s so great about you, Glenn. You are a dandelion seed on the wind, carried hither and yon, heedless of where you are at any given moment or where you may be going.

After some highly justifiable blowback on Glenn and his merry band of dimwitted sycophants, the rotund one took to the airwaves yesterday to explain why he stood by the sketch. He is very upset because, as his buddy Stu Burguiere explained, all of these examples of sexual encounters that were classified as rape in these studies were not really rape, and Glenn Beck does not appreciate it when people trivialize the horror of rape.

Rape is not a laughing matter, nor is it a matter that you lie about. You don't cheapen the real horror of rape. I'm tired of being accused of standing with abusers and rapists. I'm tired of being called a monster. I'm just tired of the lies.

We agree that lying and cheapening the real horror of rape are terrible things to do, which is why we think you are terrible for airing a sketch in which a dipshit in a hoodie keeps propositioning a guy in drag and is constantly interrupted by another dipshit holding a giant arrow that reads “RAPE!” while jumping in and out of the frame and sneering about the scenario's classification as a rape. It was a facile way of presenting a serious issue. Furthermore, Burgiere’s conclusions were lies. As we wrote yesterday,

What Stu does is a) conflate “actual rape” with other types of assaults the studies were also concerned with, such as physical abuse, stalking and psychological harassment.

This is not difficult. These scenarios that Stu claimed were classified as rapes in the studies were not actually classified as rapes in the studies. They were classified as sexual coercion, in the category of “sexual violence other than rape.”

The fact that it was his entire sketch that was premised on a lie didn’t stop Beck, who went on a tearful monologue about his father having been sexually abused as a child, and how it led to his father physically (but not sexually) abusing his own children, and the ramifications of abuse to generations within a family. This is very terrible and we will give Glenn the benefit of the doubt that he is telling the truth and not just being a manipulative sociopath to justify his show’s flip dismissal of other people’s stories of abuse, because we are more generous towards other people than is Glenn Beck.

Like the original sketch, it’s your usual wingnut mélange of self-pity and victimhood. Because no one else’s suffering could have ever been as terrible as Glenn Beck’s, everyone else’s suffering is dismissed as a lie not worthy of Glenn’s sympathy or respect.

We’re not even going to get into how the monologue then veers into a sneering denunciation of all of Glenn’s usual hobbyhorses, mostly because it is such insane gibberish – the all-powerful left wants to control his thoughts and also regulate cow farts is about all we could get out of it. There, we’ve spared you people from having to listen to it. You’re welcome.

[Raw Story]