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Glenn Beck Figures Out Norway Shooter Is a Secret Liberal Terrorist

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Slobbery sob queen Glenn Beck (and a frightening amount of other right-wingers) agreed with Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik that multiculturalism and Muslims are ruining civilization. Beck also believes that because Breivik is a terrorist, he must therefore be a secret liberal. "He is doing the work of a madman. He is doing the work of what all people who want big government always do, and that is commit terrorist acts," Beck said on his fringe lunatic radio hour. So let's see if we have this then: Breivik is in favor of big government, and he is an insane terrorist. Breivik is also insanely correct about how terrible Muslims are, according to Beck. Our calculations indicate that this makes Beck a liberal terrorist sympathizer! Hooray, that was a fun word problem.

Oh yeah and the thing made anybody care about this idiotic segment today was because he also says the children at the camp who were murdered, yes those murdered children, they were attending a political camp that "sounds like the Hitler Youth or something," to Glenn Beck. "Who sends their kids to political camp?" he asks. DUH: The Tea Party, is who. [Media Matters]

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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