GMA's Lara Spencer Laughs At 6-Year-Old Boy Who Likes Ballet Because She's Terrible
Lara Spencer giggled like a mean girl on national TV yesterday because a young boy is interested in ballet. The child is Prince George, the 6-year-old future king of England. We're less clear on Spencer's cultural importance, but we did some digging and it turns out she's a co-anchor on ABC's "Good Morning America." She couldn't stumble her way through an innocuous "pop news" segment without reminding England yet again why it's better off without the former colonies.
SPENCER: In addition to the usual first or second grade things like math, science, and history, the future king of England will be putting down the Play-Doh to take religious studies, computer programming, poetry, and ballet among other things.
GMA's chryon during the segment claimed that Prince George's curriculum "looked more like a college program." This is true if you only know stupid kids. Religious studies is basically fancy Sunday school. Exposing first graders to poetry is fairly standard, and it's not unusual for kindergartners to learn basic computer coding.
Spencer pronounced "ballet" in a silly affected tone, like it's an absurd activity for a normal child. There are children's ballet classes available in our home town of Greenville, SC. We think you should do some basic research on the Google-mobile before leading your co-hosts and the audience in five seconds of sustained laughter while photos of a child are flashed on screen. What the hell is wrong with these people?
SPENCER: Prince William says George absolutely loves ballet. I have news for you, Prince William. We'll see how long that lasts.
It's really classy to tell a parent that something their child "absolutely loves" is stupid. Spencer's dumbsplaining earned a round of applause from the studio audience of shameless bullies.
SPENCER: Between the religious studies and the computer programming, I just want to go back to the Play-Doh!
Lady, Prince George is obviously smarter and more culturally curious than you are. Just because your dumb ass probably eats Play-Doh for breakfast doesn't mean the average kid can't handle Jesus stories and html. Besides, taking ballet classes is hardly the worst thing someone can do of their own volition.
We're not going to waste time defending ballet. An acclaimed art form that produced Mikhail Baryshnikov, Carlos Acosta, and Misty Copeland doesn't need our help. The ballet-mocked segment generated an almost instant backlash. It wasn't long before Ms. Debbie Allen herself read Spencer for filth and dragged what was left to the curb for trash pickup.
Spencer apologized with some weak ass kumbaya shit on Instagram.
But we don't want to climb a mountain. We want to DANCE! Spencer's own personal passion is for yard sales, which we could dismiss as paying too much money for other people's garbage. But we won't because that's petty. We're glad Spencer apologized but her instinct was still to promote anti-intellectualism and embrace cultural ignorance -- and at a child's expense. We didn't become the founding and only member of our neighborhood's Gwen Verdon Fan Club without having our own personal experience with people like Spencer. We recognize the "teasing" laughter. It probably doesn't hurt less if you have "Prince" before your name. So, this is our final word to Spencer and yesterday's GMA studio audience:
Fuck You, Fuck You, and Fuck You! Who's Next? www.youtube.com
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.