Go F*ck Yourself, Jared

No really, what DID happen to his face?

There are, as of this second, more than ONE MILLION confirmed cases of the novel coronavirus in the United States. As of this second, there are 59,692 deaths in America, more than the number of US troops lost in the Vietnam War, and the equivalent of approximately 30 9/11s. (What mass-death milestone will Donald Trump hit next?!) The New York Timesreports that CDC data suggests that the actual death count is likely much, much higher, because of undercounted deaths, "excess deaths" not yet officially attributed to COVID-19.

The Washington Postreports today that antibody tests show, as we've suspected, that COVID-19 is far more widespread in the population than we ever knew, which would mean it's far less deadly than the six percent fatality rate that's been recorded around the world but still far higher than the flu. It's also absolutely nowhere near what we need to reach any kind of herd immunity, if such a thing in fact exists with COVID-19. (So put that in your pipes and smoke it, darling Bakersfield rent-a-doctors and Tucker Carlson, who apparently now think corona is just one big snot-sniffle.)

As Yascha Mounk writes in a sad-but-truthful piece at The Atlantic, we are in a dark place. There's no real testing plan, we're not doing anywhere near the kind of testing and tracing we need, no treatments, no vaccines for a long time, if ever ... it's bad. And it's far worse than it had to be, because of the 24/7 burlesque show of fuckups that has been the Trump administration's response to the virus. Meanwhile, Dr. Anthony Fauci says a second wave in the fall is "inevitable."

So anyway, here's Jared Kushner, crown prince of the coronavirus fuckups, to tell us all on "Fox & Friends" what a smashing success this all is, on behalf of the 59,692 people who have died so far.

KUSHNER: We're on the other side of the medical aspect of this, and I think we've achieved all the different milestones that are needed. So, the government, federal government, rose to the challenge, and this is a great success story.

That punchy sound you hear is 59,692 dead people punching Jared Kushner in the face. Lined up behind them are the next, oh who knows, 50- or 100,000 people who will die of COVID-19 because of Trump's (and Kushner's) corona-failures.

"Milestones." You know, like the 1,000,000 confirmed American coronavirus cases. To be fair, that might be the first "million" Trump and Ivanka's boy toy have actually seen in a very long time. USA! USA! USA!

See? Trump's bragging about it too.

Our testing is a fucking joke. Most states are nowhere near where they need to be to even think about reopening. According to a team at Harvard, we need to be doing at least twice as much testing as we are now. But sure, Trump, wiggle your stiffy over a million confirmed coronavirus cases, we're sure it'll make a great Joe Biden ad. He can combine it with Trump lying yesterday and saying America is doing more testing than "every country combined," followed by whining about how he "inherited a broken test" from the Obama administration, which existed in a time when COVID-19 did not (factcheck) yet exist.

Prince Jared said more fucked up bullshit on "Fox & Friends," assuming you care. Hey look, he's bragging about how much testing we are doing, and saying states have "excess capacity" for testing, oh my god, it's just so great!

Do the states really have "excess" testing capacity right now? Dunno, ask the governors.

Prince Jared, continuing to blow smoke up the "Fox & Friends" hosts eager asses, said the country will be pretty much "back to normal" by June, so everybody relax, if Jared says that's the timeline, that's obviously the timeline!

He also made a very funny wisecrack about the "eternal lockdown crowd" making impolite jokes about his father-in-law's beautiful huge unmitigated million-strong corona-success, as if we over here in the pro-science/pro-not-dying community are just loving staying home and not being able to carry on with our normal, rich day-to-day lives:

And the choir of angels said "go fuck yourself, Jared" and then the choir of angels moved to the side so more recent coronavirus victims could punch Jared in the face a whole bunch more, the end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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