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BREAKING NEWS: Trumpers caught in gigantic LIE!!!

Okay, fine. These assholes lie all day and night. But this bullshit from Trump 2020 campaign manager Brad Parscale is really EXTRA.


Yes, the guy who set up the phony DonaldTrumpforVets.com website so Trump could hold a fake fundraiser and stage photo-ops handing out cartoon checks at campaign events is shit-talking a charity that provided AIDS medicine to 11.5 million people over the last 15 years. Of course, those AIDS drugs are categorized as evil, red "expenses" in Parscale's bullshit pie chart. Unlike that time when Donald Trump used his charity to pay Don, Jr's $7 Boy Scout dues, which was a saintly, blue "donation."

You like pictures, Brad? Here's what a good charity looks like.

Photo from Charity Navigator

And here's what a shitty scam charity looks like.

From Charity Navigator

But Clinton's is marked "low" and Trump's is marked "high"! Oh, that means low RISK and high RISK? Well, Charity Navigator, you could make those seals a little clearer. Because Guidestar did a whole book report comparing Trump's foundation to Clinton's. Yeah, we know you Trump guys don't give a crap about actual data, LOL! It's way more fun to pretend that spending $264,000 to renovate a public fountain outside the Trump Plaza Hotel is SELFLESS VIRTUE, and paying to fly doctors to Africa is SLUSH FUND.

One more time for all the Fox-lovin' uncles who think Hannity is the real deal, here's the con: Trump's foundation writes checks to other charities. Clinton's foundation is a charity, so Parscale is calling all the programming money spent to plant trees in Malawi, distribute Gardasil in Latin America and the Caribbean, or keep girls in school in Afghanistan is "expenses" -- as if that's a bad thing.

And now that the the New York Attorney General is suing the Trumps for running a scam charity, that weird guy with the beard is ready to talk some shit.

Uber-leftist Underwood? So weird they hid this luminary under a bushel during the 2016 campaign. Let Sarah show you how it's done, dude.

See how Sanders bragged that Trump Foundation had "zero expenses," before seamlessly pivoting to an ad hominem attack on the New York Attorney General's Office? You gotta space those lies out! If you're going to blatantly mischaracterize your weakness as a strength, then package it in a bland statement that's technically true.

See, the Trump Foundation had no expenses because they never even hired a lawyer. And they never hired a lawyer because she'd have taken one look at their disbursements and said, "HOLY CRAP! You can't use foundation money to buy a portrait of yourself! The charity can't pay off your legal obligations! That's blatant self-dealing. People go to jail for that shit." Then she'd faint dead away when she realized campaign staffers were directing donations and the Foundation's board hadn't met since the Clinton administration.

Oh, and speaking of the Clintons ...

Okay, enough with these lying sumbitches! Manfort's in jail, and we are NOT going to let these assholes ruin our weekend!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to fund us! We'll make it through this shit together.

[Guidestar]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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