Trump Campaign Head Needs To Keep Clinton Foundation's Name Out Of His Dirty, Slushy Mouth

BREAKING NEWS: Trumpers caught in gigantic LIE!!!

Okay, fine. These assholes lie all day and night. But this bullshit from Trump 2020 campaign manager Brad Parscale is really EXTRA.

Yes, the guy who set up the phony website so Trump could hold a fake fundraiser and stage photo-ops handing out cartoon checks at campaign events is shit-talking a charity that provided AIDS medicine to 11.5 million people over the last 15 years. Of course, those AIDS drugs are categorized as evil, red "expenses" in Parscale's bullshit pie chart. Unlike that time when Donald Trump used his charity to pay Don, Jr's $7 Boy Scout dues, which was a saintly, blue "donation."

You like pictures, Brad? Here's what a good charity looks like.

Photo from Charity Navigator

And here's what a shitty scam charity looks like.

From Charity Navigator

But Clinton's is marked "low" and Trump's is marked "high"! Oh, that means low RISK and high RISK? Well, Charity Navigator, you could make those seals a little clearer. Because Guidestar did a whole book report comparing Trump's foundation to Clinton's. Yeah, we know you Trump guys don't give a crap about actual data, LOL! It's way more fun to pretend that spending $264,000 to renovate a public fountain outside the Trump Plaza Hotel is SELFLESS VIRTUE, and paying to fly doctors to Africa is SLUSH FUND.

One more time for all the Fox-lovin' uncles who think Hannity is the real deal, here's the con: Trump's foundation writes checks to other charities. Clinton's foundation is a charity, so Parscale is calling all the programming money spent to plant trees in Malawi, distribute Gardasil in Latin America and the Caribbean, or keep girls in school in Afghanistan is "expenses" -- as if that's a bad thing.

And now that the the New York Attorney General is suing the Trumps for running a scam charity, that weird guy with the beard is ready to talk some shit.

Uber-leftist Underwood? So weird they hid this luminary under a bushel during the 2016 campaign. Let Sarah show you how it's done, dude.

See how Sanders bragged that Trump Foundation had "zero expenses," before seamlessly pivoting to an ad hominem attack on the New York Attorney General's Office? You gotta space those lies out! If you're going to blatantly mischaracterize your weakness as a strength, then package it in a bland statement that's technically true.

See, the Trump Foundation had no expenses because they never even hired a lawyer. And they never hired a lawyer because she'd have taken one look at their disbursements and said, "HOLY CRAP! You can't use foundation money to buy a portrait of yourself! The charity can't pay off your legal obligations! That's blatant self-dealing. People go to jail for that shit." Then she'd faint dead away when she realized campaign staffers were directing donations and the Foundation's board hadn't met since the Clinton administration.

Oh, and speaking of the Clintons ...

Okay, enough with these lying sumbitches! Manfort's in jail, and we are NOT going to let these assholes ruin our weekend!

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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