God Has New Plan For Duggars To Get Rich On TV

Don't you just want to confess things to them?

Hey, nasty Duggar family, what's going on this week? Has the Lord put a word on your hearts about how the new way He's going to use your son's little molestation problem to spread His message throughout the kingdom, on cable television? Like, maybe after your upcoming TLC specialabout sexual abuse, perhaps there's an idea you've been having about a spin-off, so your family can keep grifting like common Palins? We'd expect nothing less and WHOA, IF TRUE!

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Now, do please take this all with several grains of salt, because we are dealing with Hollywood gossip rags and at least one anonymous "insider":

One source in the latest August 3, issue of Star magazine claims that the new special has given Jim Bob and Michelle the bright idea to work on a new spin-off of 19 Kids and Counting that will also focus on the victims of child sexual abuse:

"They know they have to at least pretend to be sorry about what happened, and now they want a spin-off where Jim Bob and Michelle would give advice to abuse victims -- even though they're still in denial about their culpability in Josh's crimes."

The quoted "insider" says TLC probably wouldn't touch the family with a ten foot pole at this point, so they'd have to find another network for this brilliant idea to see the light of day.

But, um, EW? They want to counsel "victims," like their daughters? You know, those little girls with the last name "Duggar" who lived at the Duggar homestead in Hooterville and got molested by that older boy with the last name "Duggar," who happened to be their brother? And the same parents who, from what we can tell, did all they could to cover that abuse up, especially once they were raking in reality TV cash? What, are we trying to scar the little children MORE?

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Pray tell, what kind of "counseling" might Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have to offer victims of sexual abuse? Just side-hug it out with your abuser? Show Jim Bob on the doll where the bad man caused you to be a whore?

No, we really want to know, because remember when the shit hit the fan, and your lovely Editrix went through literature produced by Duggar family superhero Bill Gothard and his Advanced Training Institute, about how to counsel little girls when they've been sexually abused by older boys and men? Like this page, about how maybe God thought a little molestation was probably okay, since the little girl may have been dressed like a whore, or maybe she was hanging out with "the wrong crowd," but don't worry, because it's much better to be a rape victim who's Strong In The Lord than it is to not get raped at all:

Or this thing, about how boys changing little girl babies' diapers could be a cause for temptation, since babies are known to be completely immodest when their diapers are being changed:

So yeah, pardon us if we are Just Asking exactly where the hell Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar would possibly get off thinking they are somehow qualified to help other little children deal with sexual abuse, since they're probably just going to say the Lord let it happen to them because they're temptress sluts.

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But anyway, maybe these reports aren't true. We HOPE they are not true. But please understand that if they ARE true, it's because the Duggars HAVE to do it, you see, because first of all and most importantly, the Lord hath spake it unto their hearts, but also, they need the cash, because otherwise, they'd have to find "jobs" and shit.

[Classicalite / Star Magazine via StarPulse / hat tip to tipster "Antimassacree"]


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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