God Pencils Into Calendar 'Smite Tennessee County, Lunch With Huck'

Artist's rendering of God destroying Blount County, from Heaven.

Bad news for the non-gay residents of Blount County in Tennessee, near Knoxville. Your county commissioner Karen Miller is bad at life, and also her job, and has utterly failed in her quest to win special protection from God Almighty, the great I AM, when He starts going county by county around the US and A, smiting all the ones that don't hate gays enough. She had a special resolution and everything that said, "Lord, we ask that you please remember that a lot of Tennessee counties are WAY MORE FAGGY than Blount County, so please kill those gays with Sodom and Gomorrah-style fire instead of us." But the failure named Karen couldn't even get the fucking resolution out of committee, because she is bad, and she should feel bad:

More than 120 attendees crowded the commission chambers at the Blount County Courthouse in Maryville to speak at what was technically the commission’s agenda committee meeting to approve agenda items for the Oct. 15 meeting.

Before anyone could speak to the proposed resolution, though, the draft agenda failed to win approval in a 10-5 vote, nixing all the agenda items and effectively canceling next week’s commission meeting itself. There was no discussion before the vote. Six commissioners were absent from Tuesday’s meeting.

The commissioners abruptly adjourned the meeting after the vote. Most of the members immediately left the room amid boos and shouts of “Coward!” from attendees.

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Yeah, and know who those 120 attendees were? Homosexuals and their gay-loving party pals, who had been brought together and forced to wear red shirts (!!!!!) for the occasion by the Tennessee Equality Project (TEP), one of those local organizations that recruits children into the ho-mo-sex-u-al agenda and teaches them about how the cutest little brunch place just opened, we should totally go.

The TEP people say this is obviously a victory (FOR THE GAYS), but that they're not backing down and they're not taking their red shirts off just yet, which is probably good since Miller says she's going to bring the resolution up again (and probably again, and again after that).

Thing is, Jesus TOLD yr Wonkette that his dad was going to lay down the smite-hammer on Blount County, and that it would be just like Sodom and Gomorrah, except with a lot more Ryan's Family Steakhouse and Cracker Barrel franchises. And now, the Lord is looking down, and He is ashamed of His not-so-faithful servant Karen Miller, and He's probably setting a date on the calendar to go all Old Testament on Blount County, AS WE SPEAK.

Maybe they'll make it in time. Maybe they won't. Yr Wonkette shan't interfere with God's will.

[Knoxville News-Sentinel / Tennessee Equality Project via JoeMyGod]



Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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