Godly Christian Fame Whores Call In Sick To YouTube
It's been a tough run for Sam and Nia Rader, the Jesus-loving fame-fellating YouTube "celebrities" who just wanted to prove they are as worthy of wealth and fame as the Duggars, but much more good looking obviously. So it is time for a SNOOZE-CATION from the old 9-to-5, or whatever hours YouTube requires them to be awake and sentient. Consider this timeline of events:
- Raders release video that answers age-old question, "Can Christian vloggers both be incredibly good looking, and also lip-synch real good to the song from that shitty Disney "Frozen" movie? YES THEY CAN.
- Sam surprises Nia by ladling her pee out of the family chamber pot, and allegedly does a pregnancy test on it, and then surprises Nia by telling her she's pregnant, praise Jesus! And no, it is NOT EITHER weird how he just happened to be ladling through her tee-tee, all Good Looking Christian Couples do that.
- But oh no! Nia miscarried! Or maybe she didn't! Maybe all of this was a fucking lie! Maybe they made it up to enhance their "career," who knows? Regardless they were very sad, and the only way to deal with that grief was to make some more YouTube videos.
- Oh but then we learned how Sam was one of those dudes with an Ashley Madison account, which is remarkable, because Good Looking Christian Fame Whores never cheat on their wives, it's like, against both the Bible and the YouTube user agreement.
- NO BIG THOUGH, Jesus died on the cross so Sam could peruse the various hoo-has of the internet and maybe try to meet those hoo-has in person, and thus God has "cleansed" Sam of all his sins.
- Oh, and then Sam and Nia went to Seattle on a "business trip" to the Vlogger Fair, a conference for, we assume, good looking fame whore vloggers, and got kicked out for "threatening violence" at people. Business trips is hard!
WHEW! Admit it, you'd be tired too. So, about that much needed whore-cation. The new video shows an out-of-breath Sam walking a few paces ahead of Nia, who is REAL MAD at him for trying to do violence to the other nice vloggers. Wouldn't you be mad at Sam too???
Then we are treated to 10 full minutes of these stupid people getting their hair did, throwing French toast at their pet chickens' faces, schmoozing at the goddamned vlogger conference, BLAH BLAH BLAH, we just want you to know that yr Kaili Joy Gray is a goddamned martyr for covering this family up to now.
Before things went bad at the vlogger conference, when they were still just good looking.
Sam finally explains that other family vloggers were being mean to them on Twitter for being Good Christian Fame Whores who maybe lied about a pregnancy and a miscarriage, and who just seem to be gross people in general, and then there were FISTICUFFS, and then they got kicked out, and now they need to take "5 to 7 days off" from their really hard job. Of vlogging.
Here is a picture of Sam Rader being sad, yet good looking:
And now we guess they're back in Terrell, Texas, catching up on Netflix and scooping each others' pee out of the toilet or whatever. DON'T WORRY, though. Sam assures us they will be back after their vacay, and they will be dumber and more fame-whorey than EVER.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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