Good Christian Fame Whores Too Sad To Be Good Christian Fame Whores Right Now
Your face is going to stick like that, and then you won't be so good looking, Sam.
Hey, what's up with those godly Christian fame whores Sam and Nia Rader? Last we heard, they were calling in sick to their "jobs," which is making YouTube videos for idiots to look at, about how their family is not only godly, but also Christian, and most importantly, VERY GOOD LOOKING. They had to take a break because things were just TOO MUCH. All the drama started when Sam rushed into the bathroom after Nia powdered her nose, and thank baby Jesus she didn't flush, because he needed some of her pee SO BAD, so that he could pregnancy test it and surprise her, on YouTube, by telling her she was pregnant. And then she had a miscarriage! (OR DID SHE? Was she ever actually pregnant? Only God knows, and He's not telling.)
Then we learned Sam had an Ashley Madison account (probably was the good-lookingest Christian on there), and also Sam got into FISTICUFFS at the Vlogger Fair, because the other family vloggers were saying mean words about his wife's maybe fake miscarriage. Crazy few months for these idiots who are famous for no reason! They explained at the time that they really needed to take a well-earned "5 to 7 day" vacation from YouTube.
And then ... silence. For over a month! OMG ARE SAM AND NIA OK? Did Sam drown in Nia's pee? Did the family vloggers escalate the war to a new level? Is Sam locked in the bedroom, furiously whacking it to sexy lady Ashley Madison profiles, which may or may not all be Josh Duggar pretending to be a lady?
RELAX, EVERYONE, they are fine. They uploaded a new video last week to explain that they are still taking their "5 to 7 day break," because they're sad and this is all just too much for Incredibly Good Looking Godly Christian Fame Whores Who Are Also Probably Liars. Watch it:
Nia explains that if just ONE of these things was "happening to them" -- Sam fantasizing about doing Ashley Madison sex robots with his dick, Sam being a Good Looking Christian Hothead at Vlogger Fair, Sam stealing Nia's wee wee juice from the chamberpot, Nia maybe faking a pregnancy, Nia maybe faking a miscarriage (or maybe those things are real!) -- that would still be too much to deal with. But instead they're "happening to them" at the same time, oh mercy, Jesus never gives you more than you can handle, but it sure can feel like it! This must be how those Syrian refugees feel. It's hard out there for a persecuted Christian couple who is SO GOOD LOOKING.
Nia also says they really should have taken their "5 to 7 day" break a lot sooner, like maybe after the "miscarriage." But don't worry, they WILL come back to YouTube, as soon as God says it's time, maybe by putting a secret message in one of Nia's turds.
Anyway, fuck these fools. They're very Good Looking, after all.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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