Well, it's finally happened! First we heard that Attorney General Bill Barr was definitely probably going to quit before the end of Donald Trump's first and only failed term in office, and then that on second thought, he'd decided he might as well stay. Now, as of late on Monday, Barr has submitted his resignation letter to Trump. Trump announced it on Twitter, because that's where he does personnel decisions. Barr's letter is here if you want to read it. It's just a bunch of pathetic ass-kissing.

Barr will be leaving before Christmas, so it sounds like he was actually fired, but for some reason, Trump granted him the dignity of at least pretending it was his decision. Reportedly Trump was still very mad at Barr for saying out loud that there was no significant election-result-changing fraud in the election, which means that however hard Trump lost to Joe Biden (HARD), Trump did that his very own self, like the loser he is. Trump doesn't have the self-esteem to process a truth like that.

The Washington Post reports that Trump was also mad Barr refused to meddle in the election by announcing there were active investigations into Hunter Biden, which is funnily enough the same thing Trump got impeached for trying to extort Ukraine into doing.

"All he had to do is say an investigation's going on," Trump said, adding later, "When you affect an election, Bill Barr, frankly, did the wrong thing."

You get it? Barr affected the election by not improperly meddling in the election, and in Trump's feeble mind, that's why he lost. Because "Hunter Biden." OK.


The Post says Trump has also just been very mad that Barr didn't announce any fake news about the BS investigation by US Attorney John Durham, who had been hard at work uncovering absolutely jackshit about Obama/Biden "crimes" to "frame" Trump for "Russiagate." Somehow it didn't make Trump feel better that Barr had secretly made Durham a real-live special counsel, so Durham could continue his productive work.

Regardless, if any of this was Bill Barr's decision, what in the hell does leaving before Christmas accomplish, and what the hell is Trump wanting to do that Barr wasn't willing to sign on to?

Because to be clear, Barr was the most pathetic, bootlicking Attorney General this country has ever seen, and his name will be a stain in the history books. He tried to kill the prosecution of Michael Flynn, who confessed twice to lying to the FBI about his conversations with the Russian government, and tried to get a sweet-ass reduced sentence for Roger Stone, on account of how those guys are buddies with Trump, and buddies of Trump's get special treatment.

His first major act as Attorney General was to blatantly lie about the findings of the Robert Mueller investigation into the Russian attack on the 2016 election and the Trump campaign's involvement with it. He then proceeded to hide the report for weeks while he shaped public perception, planting the absolutely false idea that it had somehow exonerated Trump. He constantly attacked the Russia investigation, spread conspiracy theories that "spying did occur" on Trump's campaign, and appointed every friendly US attorney he could find to investigate the investigators tasked with understanding the Trumpo-Russian attack on American sovereignty and the Trump-allied Americans who played their parts.

In the leadup to the 2020 election, Barr really made a name for himself when he helped clear the area around the White House of peaceful protesters and meddling priests (literally) with tear gas, so Trump could hang a Bible upside down in the most pathetic display of fascism the world has ever seen. Then he set about the task of telling America that he knew because of "logic" that China was going to print a bunch of fake mail-in ballots to steal the election for Biden.

Oh and then there was all the weird Christo-fascist shit, like for example the time Barr railed against stay-at-home orders at the beginning of the pandemic that's now killed over 300,000 Americans by arguing that they were somehow an attack on "religious freedom." And the time he decided that the US Justice Department should intervene in the defamation case brought by E. Jean Carroll, who says Trump raped her, actually arguing that when Trump said she was too ugly to rape, he was acting in his official capacity as the president.

Yeah, fuck that guy.

Don't know what happened after Trump got his ass handed to him so hard on Nov. 3, but we guess Barr reached his limit. Maybe Trump's got such awful things planned for the weeks between Christmas and Joe Biden's inauguration that not even Barr could abide it.

Current Deputy Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen will become the (acting) Attorney General, and Rosen's deputy, Richard Donoghue, will take Rosen's spot.

For like four weeks. Because that's pointless as fuck.

GTFO, motherfucker. We almost have run out of mean things to say about you, and we're ready to free up space in our brain that's currently being taken up by your loser dime store broken condom dispenser in a closed rest stop off the side of the highway wannabe Roy Cohn ass.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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