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Stop It With Your Marianne Williamson Stanning, She Is Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad

2020 democratic primary

It's time to have a little chit chat about Marianne Williamson, aka "Chakra Khan," the mid-Atlantic accented Texas native, who once worked as a singer in some cocktail lounge in 1930s Atlantic City, or 1980s Los Angeles. Marianne Williamson is no longer merely the "Queen of the Moon People" after Tuesday night's debate, she is now queen of the post-debate Google search too. Know what else she's queen of? She is also the "Queen of people who like to fall for shit because someone said something they found super meaningful but it wasn't." This is clearly very stupid, and I don't like it. Guess who DOES like it?

This guy.


See what I mean by stupid? If you ended Tuesday's debate "Ready for Marianne," you just hit Don Jr. level dumb. This. Is. How. We. Got. Trump. Stop playing.

This Marianne running for president thing was funny the first time she did a debate, and sure, she made a few excellent points this time that even I clapped for, but no. Not her. She's not going to be president, okay?

And even though she plays very well with a certain segment of the ADOS crowd -- who hate Kamala because she married a white guy and also she's not "really" black -- I am not doing this thing with her for a reparations check, especially one that will simply manifest by itself if I pray and love and love and pray enough. No.

She said good words though. But, no.

That was a perfectly fine statement, but it was nothing to fall in love with. The debate was just SO WHITE. Even I joked about how she had "moved up to my number two spot" because she remembered black people exist before anyone else. I thought it was HILARIOUS. It's not anywhere near as hilarious as I thought it was, and it became even less funny the second people began saying similar things like they meant them. Some of the people were dead fucking serious, and had nerve enough to get mad as hell when I said, "Um, no. Never gonna happen." They blocked me. For that kook? Jesus wept. This is NOT perfectly fine.

Here are some of her best moments from the debate.

First of all: Fuck that debate, fuck that debate format, and fuck CNN never letting anyone (besides Bernie who came fully prepared to yell over EVERYBODY, which was honestly fine by Wonkette) finish an answer. Nobody got to finish what they were trying to say, and it was so struggle-some that nobody really had that much to say about the candidates afterwards. Except for one candidate.

This one.

This is the Moment when Marianne Williamson became Willy Wonka, the Entire Earth became her very own chocolate factory, and Democrats became the naughty children who would soon be subjected to sinister happenings as the monsters began leaking into our world from the Upside Down. Or something.

Let me state for the record that she made that one good point, though melodramatic as fuck. She's a religious guru. In her "ministry" as in most occupations dealing with the metaphysical, supernatural, or deity-based needs of humans, she has learned how to use words like precision instruments. Because magic isn't real, she really has had no choice but to develop her gift of gab, along with an ability to read a crowd. But never forget that she is off her rocker. That's extremely important.

Perhaps her movement is a lovely place to be, never mind the lax vaccination schedule, and various "ideas" on what causes illness in people. But we are not joining her.

It says, "Sickness is an illusion and does not actually exist."

Now you see what she was getting at when she said that our problems go so much deeper than anyone on that stage was discussing? Nonsense. Yeah, she's wrong as fuck, and also, she's sure as hell she has it right. Y'all, we ain't got time for this shit. I know she reminds you of your cool aunt who let you drink Boone's Farm when you were sixteen, but your Aunt Kate would make as shitty a president as she was as a teenager-sitter.

Here is another beautiful thought from our future leader.

See this? We can destroy nuclear fallout with our tiny minds. WE ARE GODS AND SHIT. (No. She's wrong as fuck.)

Also she's not that great with children, I have seen Bernie Sanders bark out questions to 8-year-old kids about their cocaine habits more charmingly than she dealt with this one question from a child reporter.

The answer, Ma'am, would be "No." You actually don't need to tell the kid that your cat died, it's fine not to list every dead pet when a child asks if you currently have one, because you actually don't have one.

Check out Bernie:

Bernie Sanders Asks Kids About Cocaine in 1987| BONUS Clip | DESUS & MERO | SHOWTIME www.youtube.com

Now that is how you deal with kids. Be weird, but not creepy. Bernie should legit have his own comedy act where he yells shit at unsuspecting people, and demands answers. I'd so watch.

Finally Marianne was ready to get to the point of it all, but I have no idea what point she was trying to make.

You're not even really saying anything at this point, Lady.

Strangely enough, although Marianne was the most searched candidate Tuesday night? Just look at the number of likes on the above tweet. You'd think if she really had some type of spectacular performance to go along with her two million followers, she could get more likes than the slowest writer at Yr. Wonkette. Right?

No disrespect.

It was obvious Tuesday night that some people were seeing this episode completely fucking wrong, sadly. Where I see a 1920s flapper-turned-psychic-medium-new age guru, and sacred astral projection guide, some people are seeing a "reasonable choice" for a presidential candidate. While it's not like me to be a Negative Nancy and burst the bubble that holds all of your meditative fantasies about clinging to the lemon verbena and lavender scented bosom of Marianne as we all clasp hands Care Bear style, and proceed to "Care Bear stare" that evil President Grump into lovable, pleasantly plump, cheerfully orange Mr. Rogers, it had to be done. NO. We are not doing this Marianne thing. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Stop it.

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Wonderbitch

Follow Wonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @Wonderbitch81, or email her at bianca@wonkette.com

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