GOP Has Binder Full Of Jews To Communicate With New Hip Kids These Days


The Republican rebranding continues to suck more than ever, but at least we can be assured of one area where the GOP is making a comeback: Communications.

Specifically, in training new communications staffers for campaigns and harnessing social media to get the conservative message out directly to voters, bypassing traditional media the way the Obama campaign did in 2008 and 2012. Of course, Obama was aided by the fact that the policies he was pushing were not a bunch of retrograde, xenophobic, revanchist bullshit clipped from old John Birch Society newsletters and gussied up with a metaphorical new coat of paint and some spackle. But maybe giving themselves an A for effort in 2016 will be a balm to soothe the butthurt while watching Hillary Clinton give her inaugural address, right? (SPOILER ALERT: No.)

Let’s take at look at what they are saying at “Comms College,” the GOP’s school for operatives who want to learn to communicate good through this here series of tubes and such.

"If you are stubborn and fail to adapt to the environment and think that the strategy from 20 years ago is the way it is today, you are going to lose, it's that simple," said Rob Lockwood, the 27-year-old leader of the GOP boot camp, which is housed at the Republican National Committee in Washington. "This is about understanding the modern reality of the media."

Also if you fail to adapt to the idea that gay marriage is now a reality, that women consider birth control and abortion to be health and economic issues and not an excuse to get the taxpayers to foot the bill for all their fuckin’, that people actually like the benefits of Obamacare even if just the word itself has become poison, that some modest gun control measures are not the greatest threat to freedom since Hitler took all the Jews’ machine guns away so he could holocaust them faster, that a majority of Americans are not anxious to bomb everyone in the Middle East or occupy a couple of countries over there for another couple of decades -- then you are also going to lose, it’s that simple. But you guys go ahead and figure out a faster way to get your retrograde ideas out to the old white people who make up your base and already only watch Fox News, it’s totally adorable.

Speaking of Jews, here is Sean Spicer, communications director of the Republican National Committee, explaining advances in GOP efficiency in pandering.

"Now all of those things are catalogued," Spicer says. "Someone will call and say, 'We are doing a health care push next week, how many doctors or primary care physicians do you have? How many Asians do you have? How many Jews? You wanna do a Rosh Hashanah thing or something on Israel?' You name it."

Jew-counting! Reports that Spicer is actually Fred Malek in a middle-aged skin suit could not be confirmed. Also, the GOP Rolodex doesn't seem to have any women in it, but then, there are so few of them, and they're all busy making ads to tell voters they really do exist.

Reeling from their demographic drubbing among Hispanics, African-Americans and women in 2012, they understood the need to present a fresher face to the American public, an ongoing process. Spicer said he recently met with the executive producer of a network Sunday show who begged him for "new hip conservatives" to feature on the show's roundtable.

“Hip conservatives.” Is that like jumbo shrimp? But sure, go ahead and put some wingnut hipsters on to woo the Sunday show audience of D.C. policy nerds and geriatric shut-ins and give them hope for the future. Us liberal city-dwellers will be too busy standing in line at the newest hot spot for brunch.

Guys, you can have as robust a communications machine as Obama had during his two presidential campaigns, but if the message is still shit, putting gold plates on that Buddha is not going to save your dying ideology of being selfish, heartless, hypocritical morons. But don’t take our word for it -– just wait for the returns to roll in on Election Night in 2016, when you’ll have spent the campaign looking so wingnutty that Hillary Clinton will seem liberal by comparison.


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DHS photo (Every damn ICE pic looks like this)

Donald Trump's immigration goon squads were all set to start mass arrests and deportations of families in multiple cities Sunday, but before the raids started, he tweeted Saturday that he'd decided to delay the operation by two weeks -- to allow Democrats a chance to join Republicans in trashing US asylum law. Trump took a phone call Friday evening from Nancy Pelosi urging him to hold off on the raids, although it's also possible that internal disagreements about the operation at the Department of Homeland Security may have been part of the reason for the delay, too. In the meantime, Trump gets to terrify undocumented families some more and rant about deporting "millions," although the planned operation was actually targeted only at a couple thousand people who have already received deportation orders.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement had been gearing up to start raids in 10 US cities, including Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, and Baltimore, to show how tough America is, and never mind that the sweeps would certainly have led to more family separations, as ICE scooped up at least some undocumented parents of children born in the US. The news also comes while the media is reporting filthy, inhuman conditions at the border camps where newly arrested immigrants, including babies, are being packed in, leading to plenty of awkward questions about why the government suddenly wants to arrest more people in the interior of the country? (Hint: President Eichmann just announced his reelection bid.)

The Great Deporter announced the delay of the operation Saturday by Twitter, as if that were normal, then followed up with more bluster Sunday.

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Kamala Harris was holding it down at the South Carolina Democratic Convention this weekend, and she wasn't just there to kick it at Clyburn's Fish Fry, hang out with Berndog Sanders, and just look extra good. No. She fucking running for President, and she's actually got a chance, unlike the many Mayo Casserole Men who keep jumping into the damn race. Why did they jump in after Kamala and Elizabeth Warren, the only people who are even running, clearly said, "We got it from here, boys"? Not sure, but regardless, it was unnecessary. Doesn't matter anyway because who is gonna remember Dadface McDorksky when Kamala is turning it the fuck out with speeches indicting Trump?

Do you believe in America? Kamala Harris believes in America, and her Saturday speech calls out for justice, and righteousness; where Barack Obama struck hopeful, dulcet, aspirational tones, Harris strikes sharp chords of urgency. To say that she read Trump the riot act would be, and is, an understatement; what she did here raised a crucial reality that some Dems refuse to see. Trump MUST be prosecuted. The Democratic nominee will wear many hats, and one of the most important of those hats is that of a prosecutor. There is a case to be made against Donald J. Trump, hell, there are so many cases, and as far as Harris is concerned, who better to make that case, but a COP? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kamala Harris at the South Carolina Democratic Convention June, 22 2019

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