GOP Impeachment ‘Defense’: Lies, Damn Lies, More Marjorie Taylor Greene Conspiracies

Impeachment

Occasionally, on the classic Law & Order series, there was no real mystery around the episode's big crime. For instance, a deranged sociopath might stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot people in broad daylight, and there was video. It seemed like there wasn't much for Jack McCoy to do, but then the recurring guest star defense attorney would show up with some ridiculous argument that drives the remaining half hour.

That's what the one-term loser's second annual impeachment trial feels like. We all know he's guilty. We were there. But his defense wants to suppress the evidence on technicalities. They've absurdly claimed even discussing the violent insurrection “glorifies" violence. “Not the insurrectionist! You're the insurrectionist!"

No really, this is what the one-term loser's clown car defense wrote: “In a brazen attempt to further glorify violence, the House Managers took several pages of their Memorandum to restate over 50 sensationalized media reports detailing the horrific incidents and shocking violence of those hours."


Republican Senator Lindsey Graham is like the crafty Southern defense lawyer who often foiled McCoy, except Graham seems to have hit his head recently and suffered law-specific brain trauma. He's opposed to House Managers calling witnesses at the impeachment trial, which is reasonable because their testimony would prove damning. However, thanks to Stacey Abrams and the great state of Georgia, Republicans no longer have the majority and can't reject witnesses, as they did during 2020's first-annual impeachment trial.

But Graham has an alternate strategy. He's gonna double-dog dare Democrats to call witnesses.

Last night, Sean Hannity told Graham he wanted to hear from President Joe Biden, Vice President Kamala Harris (whom he refers to by her first name because he's racist), House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Rep. Maxine Waters, Senator Cory Booker, and Eric Holder, who has no direct connection to the events on January 6 but is also Black.

Graham laughed and “warned" Democrats that if they call one witness, he'd call everyone on Hannity's list. It's mutually assured boredom. The problem is that the impeachment managers would love to hear firsthand accounts of the Capitol siege from the victims. Hannity and the other racists on the Fox News prime time lineup believe the siege was no worse than last summer's Black Lives Matter rallies, which Democrats supported. That's neither true nor relevant to the specific charges against the one-term loser, but even if it was, an eyewitness to a crime isn't less credible because they're a hypocrite. Bad people's testimony helps convict other bad people every day.

Later, Laura Ingraham dismissed the violent insurrection that actually happened and charged Biden with fomenting a metaphorical “insurrection," where he governs like a liberal Democrat who was legally elected.

Biden's open-borders zealots have what they want. Big business, they get their slave labor, and the social justice warriors, the far-left “Squad'" types, they have their new population that can be molded and formed into socialist party faithful. [...]

There is an insurrection taking place against America, all right. It's been going on for years in the deepest depths of the DC swamp. And now its figurehead resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Yikes.

Ingraham and other conservatives compare riots in Portland, Oregon, to a domestic terror attack at the nation's Capitol. Biden wasn't in office when "Portland burned," and Republicans don't want the public examining, side by side, Biden's clear condemnation of violence and the insurrectionist in chief's bizarre “We love you. You're very special" kissy-face remarks to cop killers.

Girl dumbTwitter

GREENE: If the #Jan6 organizers were Trump supporters, then why did they attack us while we were objecting to electoral college votes for Joe Biden? The attack RUINED our objection that we spent weeks preparing for, which devastated our efforts on behalf of Trump and his voters.

This brings us, regrettably, to Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who dumped a load of crazy on Twitter today. She insists that the people dressed in MAGA wear, flying flags in support of their traitor president, weren't MAGA supporters. This “defense" is so disconnected from reality, you're waiting for the DA to yell, “Objection, this case is being judged on the temporal plane, your honor."

Greene claims that the MAGA mob wasn't MAGA because they RUINED her jacklegged coup. Yet, the one-term loser's counsel contends he never intended to disrupt the certification of Biden's win on January 6. Unlike Greene, they at least are smart enough to realize you shouldn't concede motive. Greene argues that the bank robbers obviously weren't on her side because they screwed up her carefully plotted bank robbery.

Girl still dumbTwitter

GREENE: They placed pipe bombs at the RNC and the DNC the night before. They did NOT just target one party. They targeted Republicans and Democrats. They were against the government ALL together.

It's obvious that MAGA's allegiance was solely to its mad king not to the Republican Party. That's still evident as anyone who voted to impeach the one-term loser has faced censure. His January 6 rant, which incited the mob, “targeted Republicans and Democrats." He whipped the mob into a frenzy against “the government all together." Seriously, it's on video.

Twitter

The one-term loser is probably going to skate on impeachment again, but don't tell us he's innocent. It insults our intelligence, but maybe that's the point. His enablers want to stick us with one final gaslighting session.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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